on the heels of yesterday's 'lookit me being my cutest and best self!!' selfie, here is my contribution to #mentalhealthawareness
month. it's taken me most of the month to work up the nerve to put ou my own post, but hey, if folks with hundreds/thousands/millions of followers can step out and be honest, then i might as well be too. so, here goes nothing:
for as long as i can remember, my own brain has been my worst enemy. start with a base of depression and anxiety, shake it up with a variety of self-harming coping mechanisms, throw in some trauma, add a dash of guilt complexes and a sprinkle of disordered eating, garnish with body image issues, and it all bakes up to, well, this guy 💁. i took this picture last night between panic attacks after having spent too much of the day buried in my bed, trying to will myself into nonexistence. yep, one of THOSE 😑
most days, i can manage a semblance of normalcy. i can get up, and shower, and get dressed, and go out into the world and get shit done according to expectations
but some days, i can't. those 'some days' have cost me jobs, friends, grades, and endless opportunities. i've been fortunate enough to have the privileged support and love of family/parents who have never let me fall through the cracks despite my best self-sabotaging efforts, and friends who have had my back and assured me of my worth when i didn't believe in it.
not everyone is so lucky.
i am very much still a work in progress, and i'll probably spend the next few hours hovering over that 'delete' button. but i'm working on putting shame aside, because the stigma of said shame has only ever done more harm than good, and it's damn well past the time to kick that taboo out and allow room for conversation.
so, to anyone who sees this: this is life. it feels harder than it should sometimes. some days are better. some are worse. but all of them should be lived. so go forth and live your best damn life. even if that means occasionally having to spend a day laundering the tear stains out ot your sheets.
#hereforyou #MHAM #mentalhealthawareness #invisibleillness #stopthestigma #depression #anxiety #edrecovery #keepfighting #keepliving #keepkickingass