For most of my childhood and adolescence, I had many "peer" males grope, fondle, and what they called "caress" me. In class sometimes even. In the halls. At lunch. It was an everyday occurrence. These guys had me convinced that if I said anything, I'd be labeled a "whore" or "slut," and that everyone would judge me. I saw how other girls were called similar. I was a good girl. I didnt want that kind of attention. It didnt matter that I told these guys, "No." I was somehow convinced it was my fault.
I had a relative who would do similar. I tried talking to a relative about how the boy made me uncomfortable. I was dismissed, and was told that there was no way this boy would do such a thing. You see, to everyone else, he called me names, so that didnt make sense. And after years, he finally forced me to give him oral. I haven't seen him since.
There were other smaller incidents in high school, but these were happening to multiple girls, and I'm not sure how far those went. But there were a group of boys that forced me to give them oral. In school. By this time, who would believe me? I had been conditioned by others to just accept this as a thing that happened, and I was too ashamed to tell anyone. I was a good Christian girl. "These things don't happen to good Christian girls." I was a virgin met the "sperm donor" at 19. I invited him over to watch a movie. He expected more. I told him, "No," and I tried to fight him off. It didn't work. I cried for hours in the shower that night. He wouldn't leave until morning when he decided that he and I were together because he "doesn't fuck just anyone." I didnt know what to say or do. He just kept coming around, and I just accepted this as normal. I tried to do things away (specifically to get away) from him, and he'd always find a way to come or show up. I finally got the nerve to stand up to him after I found out I was pregnant. He then started stalking me and threatening me and my family.
I've only ever had a consensual relationship with my current husband.
#whyididntreport #feminism #feminist #metoo #consent #rape #safebae