The self portrait series con’t. The story behind the photo below.
I have been contemplating whether or not I should open up about my struggles to you all, as it’s pretty personal to put it online. But I think I need to say these things in order to normalize discussions about mental health. For starters, these past couple of months have been pretty brutal to say the least. My mental health has been fluctuating so severely that it’s left me pretty exhausted. My physical health has been on a steep decline for a while now, with the doctors not being able to find an answer or take me seriously when I tell them it’s hard to function most days. And to top it all off, it’s busy season, so I spend most of my waking hours on a screen for my full time job. No time for creativity. No time to practice what I love the most: photography.
I know I should be happy I have a job that allows me to afford to do the things I enjoy. I know I should be happy that I don’t have it as bad as so many people out there in the world. But that’s the funny thing about depression: it makes you feel bad about everything. But most importantly, it makes you feel like bad about yourself. I know I’ve been too hard on myself for everything these days, but it’s hard not to be. I’m overly critical about everything I do. I’ve turned into one of those people that just brings down the energy in the room and I hate that. But these are all things I decided to start working on. ::::::
In writing all this out, I guess it’s just my way of being transparent with you all and holding myself accountable to actually being proactive about making improvements. I wanted to give you all an explanation as to why you’ve barely been seeing my work lately. This is why you’re seeing this picture, a visual representation of what I’m feeling: lost in the system, invisible, without focus. I’m sorry if this is tmi, but it’s important for me to share this with you all so that you can see that there is a human being behind this work, being influenced by her emotions like the true cliché of an artist she is. But, I’ve decided to channel my inner Frida and translate this into my new work and see what results.
If you work in this industry and you missed @annigraham
live talk on composition and the technical side of couples photography- please go check it out in her profile. As I am looking back at some of my older work I’m thankful for the mentors who were kind enough to point out technical weaknesses in my work. It only makes you better. It’s something I miss about working in the photojournalism industry- every photo you take is critiqued by a photog master(your photo editor)they are always asking you about your light, composition and subject matter. At times it was really hard to hear critiques all the time- but if you aren’t surrounding yourself with people who will push you, how will you get better? Thanks Anni, for a great talk.
that’s right: my badass older sister and brother-in-law are having their first child in just over a month, and i could not be more stoked for them - and to be a 〰️cool aunt. i love all four of you (i’m including finn dogue, of course).