This morning I stood outside just before sunrise with a windchill of -8 and I blew bubbles. I watched them dance in the wind and one by one, they each landed and popped.
I remembered back to my post last year and reread all the comments. So many comments about the miracles that were sure to fall upon our family. God would heal Marik, restore our family, bring joy back into our lives. The reality was that I was in denial. Marik was exhausted, sleeping on the floor because the cool helped him to breathe better. He was in pain, his appetite was fading, and he used oxygen more and more.
When I look back at the pictures I can see how he was starting to swell from the tumors in his chest, and it makes sense that his nurse left us because she couldn’t take what she knew was coming.
Some days nothing goes right. You don’t say the right things or do the the right things. Some days every fiber of your being is just, wrong. Some days you want to run and hide, tuck yourself into a blanket and hide from the world. Some days you choke back so many tears, and stuff so many feelings that you wonder if it’s even worth surviving. You aren’t just missing your child, you are quite literally...missing.
But, you get up, plaster on a smile, and go to work. That my friends is grieving. 🌻 #teammarik #grief #love #loss #hope #bubbles #imissyou #mybaby #myson