this is annoying 😆😑
recovery has been difficult lately. i’ve been distracted, anxious, depressed, isolated... basically allowing a perfect storm of conditions that would lead me to relapse.
here i am. im not doing recovery perfectly. i remember the very moment in nancy’s office in that precious yellow house that this would not be something i could be perfect at. that there would be ups and downs. that it’s how i handled the downs that would dictate my recovery, not the absence of them.
shout out to all of my beautiful babes that are struggling too - and if you’re not, i’m SO proud and happy for you!! #recovery #carolinahouse #eatingdisorder #eatingdisorderrecovery #anxiety #depression #relapse #ptsd #warriors #daisiesforever #somuchlove #sisterwarriors #fued
This is a useful thing to use if you have a mental or physical disability. You could just say "Hey, I need to get some spoons" and it would be an incognito way of saying you need to recharge or walk away from a situation.~🐰
A picture describing the spoon theory and grief relate, how 'spoons' are used as an example of energy. You have a limited amount of spoons in a day, and grief can take away a significant amount of spoons. DM for the exact quote, and I'll be happy to give it!
Everything is triggering me to cut😫😫
Remember when Ronnie died and you said you wished it was me?
Well guess what, I am dead, dead to you as can be!
People really need to learn to mind their damn business.
Honestly, at this point I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve attempted suicide. Thats not the point of this post though, I’m sick of attempting to end my life and then afterwards realizing I’m still alive and feeling numb for days and feeling like a failure, and I’m also sick of also the complete and utter overwhelming feeling of guilt for even attempting... truth be told, I don’t even want to die... I just want my depression to go away, as well as the constant anxiety I’ve got and my eating disorders. I want to be happy, and confident in both myself and everything going on around me... but I guess the reason I’ve attempted so many times is because I get scared nothing will get better and I’ll have to live the rest of my life feeling this way..... I don’t want to attempt suicide again... I want to work on getting better more than anything.. #eatingdisorderrecovery #eatingdisorderrelapse #relapse #eatingdisorder #anorexia #anorexic #bulimic #bulimia #depressed #depression #mentalillness #sad #selfharm #selfharmer #tired #done
i went to bed,
tried to be calm.
i lost my concentration.
definitely a panic attack.
a real one - uncontrolable.
watching videos etc
try to distract. fail.
went to living room.
fall asleep 10mins later.
woke up with uncomfortable
feelings. worried. confused.
i wonder how will i survive
in my career,
in this society.
for another day.
for another year.
i know the fact that
this life is a test.
this life will be vanished.
none will be remained.
' Innallaha ma'ana '.
Allah always be there.
everything's gonna be ok.
it will be resolved. right?
i hold on that. i believe.
#relapse #panicattack #anxiety #mentalhealth #iamamuslim #unspokensnm #stepbystep #selfreminder #wannabebetter
I really do feel this way! .
No matter how many times people say it's not true I honestly feel It is!
Q/When do yo think eminem will release new music?
A/ Maybe early 2019 or later
before I forget to post it: the usual snack. OMG I still haven't realised I'm going to Stockholm.. I wonder if and how my daily routine is gonna change and I'm quite scared.. I hope it all turns out okay
looked like hella lots of food I just noticed that now that I look at the picture. and obvs I feel it since I had dinner. also I was bloated and had lots of air in my stomach before I ate which made me feel uncomfortable in the first place. working out and yoga before eating helped but for some reason I also had a bit of a stomachache afterwards.. and midnightsnack is following now
I've been in an unmotivated drought, so my s/o did the picture description for me. Everyone say thanks!! Also this is a message I haven't seen barely at all, so if any guys need help I'm always open!~🐰
A text post with the rainbow flag colours on the sides of it, stating "I’m here for bisexual boys that have to put up with biphobia from their friends and family
Im here for asexual boys that are faced with the “boys are hypersexual” stereotype every day
I’m here for gay boys that were abandoned by their friends Because they thought they were going to hit on them
I’m here for trans boys that get asked “where did my little girl go” by their parents
I’m here for pansexual who are told that their identities are invalid
I’m here for questioning boys that are terrified of their own feelings because they’ve been taught that being different is bad"
Hi guys, I hope you're all doing okay😊 It's my mom's birthday today so here's a pic of me with one of the presents I gave her (crocheted socks, I also made her a painting🙃). So I've been having a really bad few days with various meltdowns, pulling out of tubes, threats of restraint etc... These kind of environments are toxic and when you fall in the ocean there's only so long you can tread water before you start to drown and boy am I drowning. The staff here don't know how to support me when I'm crying because all I can see and feel is fat. They even just sat there as I hit my self in the head over and over again (tmi sorry but they literally just sat and watched wtf¿). I'm really struggling with my weight gain and I know I look healthy now so I'm a bit confused as to why I'm in a hospital instead of the community(I could be tuned at home). I guess I'll have to talk to the doctors at ward round tomorrow but I'm dreading it because Thursday's are always a bad day for me. On the bright side, I managed a sip of Pepsi max ginger on Sunday but now I feel really guilty and can't stop thinking about it but I need to be able to at least drink my meal replacements so I should just get over it haha (if only it were that easy)🙃🙂
Sigh..here we go again
Since the whole point of me coming back to social media is to become 100% honest and open about my mental struggles, I feel the need to share this. This is in no way for attention or pity. I don't need or want either. It's not gonna change shit. This is for the sake of my acceptance of my problems as well as to connect with those who are going through the same thing. Although I already felt absolutely horrible before doing this, it's after I made the first cut that I felt like I fell into a place I thought I had left a long time ago. A place where even that little bit of hope I gained completely disappeared. It's a strange, "empty" kind of feeling. So awfully familiar, like I'm back home. Interestingly enough, today also marks the 1 month anniversary of the death of an artist who I love with my all my heart, and who's music has been getting me through these past few days. God knows how much I wish it was me instead.
Still, I refuse to feel ashamed or gulity for how I feel. I refuse to feel bad about the ways I try to cope with it. And I want to tell everyone who's stuck in that same place, my beloved neighbors, that you are all so strong and amazing. That I love each and every one of you, regardless of who you are and what you're going through. And even though I'm just another stranger online, I will always be here for you if you need someone. No judgement. No hate. Just love and understanding.
Here's to another journey to recovery.
#depression #selfharm #mentalillness #mentalhealth #anxiety #socialanxiety #bpd #cutting #relapse #recovery #suicide #suicidal
Anxiety has crippled me .
Today I climbed a mountain, might have been the best I've ever felt in a long time but as I got to the top I didn't feel victorious, my only thought was "what now?". I think a LOT about what is happening, what will happen, what for sure won't happen but what if does?
And then I get petrified, unable to do anything other than to stay there with my thoughts.
I have a book I want to read and a game I want to play. But if I'm doing one, I can't do the other and, for some reason, that's scares me. Will I ever have to sacrifice one thing for the other?
Sacrificing myself for a piece of mind I can't find?
What if I can't even finish the book? I swear I don't understand why this is such a big deal to me!
I don't die if I take a bit longer to read the fucking book!! .
It might just be loneliness, I asked my mom if I could have dinner with her (for some reason she never calls me to have dinner) because I didn't want to be alone. My sister gets to the table crying, my mom asks her, in an angry tone, what's wrong with her. She says she feels like she can't do anything, I relate. My mother doesn't care much and she continues "you're always blaming me". My mom's reaction was to leave the table. And there I stood, two lonely people sharing a meal.
Now I'm at my room and I feel so heavy with emotions, like I'm feeling everything at once and I'm listening to music but I'm disassociting so bad I can't even hear it
I feel worried and scared but I don't know what I'm worried about! And that just scares me even more and, at this point, I'm just a huge potato of anxiety who wants to run away but it's to scared that she'll end up in the same place she started. So here I stay, petrified by emotions that I can't identify or describe. and maybe I'll keep reading the book after
I'm so high on misery, can't you see??
I can’t do this. Ive noticeably gained weight again, me getting comments at work where they say “oh you look big!! *thumbs up*”. Yeah thanks for pushing me even deeper that hole. Thanks a lot. Time to change this. Three tiny meals, 2L of water. Also took lax since I’m so bloated due to constipation for two days. And lots of stomach aches.
#eatingdisorder #ed #bulimia #edrelapse #depression #anxiety #relapse #fat #fatty #weightloss
oh my god please don’t go onto hailie or Whitney’s pages commenting shit about em. Just leave them alone. I was watching Whitney’s live stream and I couldn’t stand to watch it because all I would see is fucking retards commenting stuff about eminem like “slim shady in Spanish is sombra Delgada” SHE DOESNT CARE DUMBASS. Stop asking questions about their personal lives and about their dad. Rant over
If your child is in recovery or you're worried about them using opioids, there are many alternatives that can help alleviate your son’s or daughter’s pain. Learn more in our bio link. #endmedicineabuse #painmanagement
« if anyone asks? everything's fine. i'm on summer holiday and have been doing so many things and projects lately, all my friends want to meet up and it's such good weather outside. yeah, it's been a great summer so far. but... to be honest? i hate this shit! it's no fun having to wear short clothes and showing your fat body, stretch marks and ugly self harm scars; it's no fun pretending you're okay just because holidays are supposed to be great but in reality there is no structure to your day so dark thoughts fill your mind again; it's no fun to smile all day just waiting for the evening when you can listen to sad music and cry over how much you hate your life. i don't think i can take this much longer. »
Erliches Update, ptw ⚠️
Heute ist es schlimm. So schlimm, wie es ewig nicht war. Ich halte meinen Körper nicht aus und wünsche mich wieder in eine anderen. Ich wünsche es mir so sehr. Auch wenn ich weiß, dass es absolut NICHTS ändert und ich auch diesen Gedanken nicht viel Raum geben werde, sind sie da. Meine Stimmung ist depressiv, ich bin unglücklich, traurig, denke darüber nach, einfach zu verschwinden und über den Sinn meiner Existenz. Ich halte diese Gedanken nicht aus und beginne zu Fressen und zu Kotzen. Halbherzig. Stopfe Essen in mich hinein und schmecke nichts. Kotze es aus und fühle dabei nichts.
Jetzt weiß ich nicht, ob ich mich freuen, oder traurig sein soll. Freuen, weil mir diese Krankheit absolut NICHTS🚫 mehr gibt. Keinen Kick, keine Ablenkung, nichts. Es ödet mich an, langweilt und ekelt mich viel mehr an. Und warum traurig? Es klingt komisch und total wiedersprüchlich, aber heute habe ich vermisst, wie stark die ES einmal war. Wie sehr ich mich ins b/p vertieft habe, wie alles relevante in meinem Kopf Kalorien und die Zusammensetzung der Nahrung war - es war nicht leichter, so zu leben. Aber es war auf eine andere Art und Weise schwer. Es war das selbstgemachte Leid, dass zu ertragen war. Das zu kontrollierende Leid. Nicht das reale Leben. Vor dem ich jetzt nicht mehr davon laufen kann, weil ich nichts mehr habe, in das ich mich voll und ganz flüchten kann. Jetzt habe ich das reale Leben. Jetzt geht es darum, erlich zu sein. Mir vielleicht bei vertrauten Personen Hilfe zu suchen - und das ist so verdammt hart. Sich Leuten anvertrauen ist hart und erlich sein ist es verdammt nochmal auch 😶 Ich schaue jetzt noch ein wenig Netflix. Physisch geht es mir heute auch nicht so gut 🤧
Morgen sieht die Welt gewiss schon wieder anders aus, es kann ja nicht nur Berg auf gehen und ich bin guter Dinge, dass alles wieder besser wird. Hoffentlich sehr bald.
I could watch friends all day
I'm so hungry at the moment. I'm eating everything I'm meant to plus sometimes extra because I'm so hungry. To be honest, I still am terrified of being hungry but desperately trying to remember that my body obviously needs food so I should try and listen to it even when it is hard.
Well this is when I had faith in England a couple of weeks ago & went really patriotic 😂😂😂
T R I G G E R
W A R N I N G
Okay so I'm sorry I'm not the perfect girl. I'm sorry I'm not a complete girly girl, I'm sorry I love tattoos and piercings and the fact I love my hair red😅! I am sorry that I'm not the skinnest, or prettiest of girls. I'm sorry if it offends you that I like to play football with the guys and I'm sorry if I would rather go outside and climb trees or walk through nature because that's who I am! I've never had much confidence or self-esteem but it's about time I really started to stand up for myself. I've had enough of the people who take the piss out of the things I enjoy and love. No I'm not perfect but no one is! Yes I may have mental health problems but that doesn't mean I deserve to be treated any different. I apologise to the people who may find me a nuisance because yes I'll admit sometimes I can be needy, sometimes I can be distant, but I'm forever grateful to the people who would stand by me. Although I am yet to figure out who would always be there to stand by me, I am still thankful for what they have done so far. So thank you to everyone & I won't apologise for who I am anymore! 💙 -
The amount of fear it's taking me to post this tiny rant and this picture of myself is crazy. To some people it's nothing but to me it's not... 💗💗
#mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #anxiety #eatingdisorder #depression #reality #recovery #relapse #selfharm #suicide #abuse #tears #crying #struggling #exercise #diet #loseweight #weightloss #toneup #skinny #low #emotional #emotionalabuse #weight #girl #teen #tw #football #stillnotforattention
🙌🏻 the sun will always rise again.