Stick with me, this is quite the long post, it’s worth it though! Today started so rough. My anxiety was at an all time high. I got probably five hours of sleep and had to rush to bring my daughter to daycare. I was fine, that is until I dropped her off. 😣😣
She has been clinging to me more and it pains me some days to drop her off. That was the start of my anxiety. My brain started turning incessantly. I had jury duty earlier this week and that stirred up thoughts of what if. 💭 .
What if I was still in my dream job? How much better would my life be? Why did I have to make those mistakes? Why didn’t I fight harder? I felt my face get hot, my heart rate quicken, and my eyes well up with tears. No matter what I told myself my brain was on overdrive and I was headed to work. In customer service. 😕😕
I called my husband and he did his best to talk me down off my perilous edge, bless him. What he said worked, of course until we hung up. I’m minutes from walking into work and seconds away from an all out break down. 😔😔
I took a deep breath and said one thing at a time. I said “that’s in the past and while I may not understand why my dream job didn’t work out, everything happens for a reason.”I restructured my thoughts and instead of why did I make those mistakes, I said why wasn’t I supported. I turned every negative thought I had into a positive one. I spun it to show the truth. I didn’t fail on my own, they let me fall and hard. .
I pulled it together and before going into the building I added some Hope and Stress Away to my diffuser bracelet and hoped for the best. I cannot change what happened in the past because it already happened. I can not control our move to another state because that’s apart of the military, I can’t control people around me, I cannot control anyone. However, I can control my anxiety and depression. I can seek for that light that shines so weakly at the end of my tunnel. I can strive to reach it and over come it. It’s okay to fail, it’s okay to have bad days, as long as you pick yourself up and try again. I’ve been struggling so much lately with anxiety and depression. However, I’m still fighting until I win.