UPDATE ON MY #MOM
: It seems the doctor’s have decided she did have another small #stroke
. They’re doing the #MRI
today to see if any damage (or anything unexpected) shows on film. But if you have a moment, let me tell you about my night.
I left the #hospital
around 6 pm bc I was in so much pain, and I was assured they were keeping her and she would have a room soon (I got her to the hospital at roughly 10am). Around 10pm, they called and told me they had nothing on file as far as how to proceed with “code status”. They also told me they needed A LEGAL DOCUMENT which stated I was indeed her durable power of attorney (info they’ve been given 3 times! or they couldn’t keep her. Mind you I had fallen asleep around 9pm W/O any sleep medication for the first time in the last 20+years. So, I had to grab all the legal paperwork and drive back to the hospital. When I got there, I had to sit with a team of #doctors
and one of the hospital’s lawyers and discuss what could be done with her should she...start to die. There was talk of #CPR
, shocking her heart, jamming large needles in her heart and neck to apply medication, #tracheotomy
, central lines, #bipap
masks, and just letting her die and then calling me. All of this being explained in detail around 11pm (though I had already done research for these when we first drew up the paperwork). So I had to go through each one of those, pick what we (I) wanted done and where they should stop trying to keep her alive. Then I had to go to her room and explain everything I had decided for her (this was close to midnight). I finally got done and kissed her goodnight and got home close to 1am, exhausted to the point where I was having such a severe panic attack all I could do was lay in bed and shake until I fell asleep. Then I got up at 6am and got the kid off to school. It’s 7:08am and I’m going back to sleep for a few hours (hopefully) before going back to the hospital. On a scale of 1-10, my #pain
is about 30! I feel so... I don’t even know what I’m feeling. I’m not even sure I’m feeling anything. I’m just so...whatever. Thanks for reading and letting me get this out to anyone that read this.