Anger. Overwhelming anger. Yeap, that's what I've been feeling today, well… I guess it's been for a while but as a ‘common human being’, I've been trying to sublimate it. Has it worked? Hell no! Why can't I allow myself to feel anger? I'm sure I'm not the only one - still I prefer to use the 1st person pronoun and take on my responsibility. I've been trying to figure out how to deal with this feeling and no matter how much I'm certain I should own this feeling, I still feel guilty about feeling it in the first place. Yet, I know this shame is not truly real, is not mine, it was imposed on me through millennia.
A friend of mine asked me how I was doing this morning, and I, quite honestly, answered with a smile on my face “I feel angry.” his first response was “oh, but that's not good, you shouldn't, it's not very Buddhist, is it?” And my reply was “you know, I believe every feeling is valid, is real and can be used to our best benefit. Take anger for example. How often do we speak up and acknowledge the feeling of anger? Anger can be a most productive feeling, if aimed at the right direction, in my opinion, towards change and transformation. Anger is such a strong feeling that it ruptures inertia, that's how strong it is, it can build up to the point of explosion and bringing something to life. That's how I see it. That's how I choose to see it. I'm not here to talk about what or who I'm angry at. That's besides my point. My point is: I am feeling this overwhelming anger inside of me, period. And I am entitled to feel it. I must allow myself to feel it, own it, accept it, respect it because regardless the reason, this feeling is true, as much true as I can perceive the world around me right now, and pretending it doesn't exist, that I'm not feeling it, shoving it aside will only make it grow inwards to the point of an uncontrolled explosion towards anything or anyone. I do not want that. For me, that's the difference between a healthy anger and “anger as most people see it”, the difference lies on “what I do with it and about it”. *** to be continued in 'comments'