I’ve managed to move past the sadness I felt earlier and yesterday and have instead arrived at a place where I feel numb. Not a bad, aching numb but an “I can’t even bring myself to acknowledge how shit this is” numb. Sounds pretty bad but I view it as an achievement considering how low I’ve been. Eating properly today, despite it not being much at all, has helped. Bossa Nova has also helped, like it always does. It’s strange how music can be more soothing and understanding than people sometimes. I think I’m making peace with the fact I can’t rely on people to uplift me and that most will only really want me when I’m in a good place. It’s still a sad acknowledgement but what can I do but embrace the truth. Nothing comes from living in lies, as everyone knows. I guess I just have to accept the loneliness that comes from my #mentalhealth
stemming from my traumatic childhood and adolescent years. I do wonder though, will I ever meet somebody who really is dedicated to understanding and helping me? I think this will be a new daydream of mine, amongst the many. I’m just going to finish this assignment, smoke (which I should not be doing but whatever) and sleep. Hopefully I wake up less cynical and a bit more optimistic. Let’s see what tomorrow brings. Hopefully it’s not any more pain 🤞🏽. I’m obsessing over my #hyperpigmentation
again as I do every day and I’m feeling a little ugly, by what can you do huh lol. Apparently #sertraline
can help with #dermatillomania
and the urges to attack my skin. I want to believe this will help but part of me isn’t convinced. Again, I’m just being a sceptic. But like I already said I just hope tomorrow is brighter, I can’t really deal with another day feeling like this lol.
#anxietyrecovery #anxietydisorder #depressionrecovery #mentalhealthrecovery #mentalhealthblogger