I've been reading 12 Rules for Life - An Antidote to Chaos by Jordan B. Peterson.
Rule 10 is Be precise in your speech.
I found this chapter really insightful. Often in relationships, people do not say what they want or need. And this may be because they either don't know what they want or need, or have trouble articulating exactly what they want and need, or lack the courage to speak up. Because of this, people bottle things up inside and then it all comes out in an explosion - and this is often way too much to address in one conversation as there are so many situations, incidents, thoughts and feelings that are brought up. It is better to address each thing as it comes up, that way you don't let things build up inside of you until it reaches the surface and there is only one way out.
This particular paragraph in the book really holds true and I have seen it happen in so many people, myself included. If we don't address one thing, if we don't talk about one topic when it is difficult, then it becomes about everything....and then everything is too much. As Jordan B. Peterson states: 'This is so frequently why couples cease communicating. Every argument degenerates into every problem that ever emerged in the past, every problem that exists now, and every terrible thing that is likely to happen in the future. No one can have a discussion about "everything"'.
Having the courage to bring things up when they happen if they bother you or if you are not happy makes for a healthy and strong relationship - where you can speak your mind and not get attacked for it. For being able to discuss things openly and honestly, for saying your thoughts, what you desire, want and need. If you keep this all bottled up inside, you just make yourself unhappy. You are not being true and honest and open with yourself. Take the time to do this calmly with those you love, when the issues arise. Don't wait til it becomes too much that it all blows up and is too big to deal with. Isn't it easier to deal with a small problem rather than a hundred different problems all at once?
12 hours ago
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