Morning devo continuation ;) Your things (your clutter) are physical manifestations of your mental clutter. Don't pass off bad habits to the kiddos 8-o... #mydaughterisgoingtohateme #butitsok
I was worried to write this post for fear of sounding weak.
But I know it’s important to show all aspects of this rollercoaster I’m on. Equally I have to tell my story accurately so that others in my position know the full ins and outs.
Sometimes we are strong and sometimes we aren’t but I think that’s just part and parcel of being a human.
I started yesterday with every intention of being strong, staying positive and walking into that hospital with all the good vibes but I failed.
Stepping out of the car a lump built in my throat and I tried to push it away but as I walked up to the doors my eyes filled with tears, I was scared.
That entranceway fills me with fear and makes me feel physically sick to my stomach now, I later found out it’s actually a thing.
Cass consoled me and gave me the courage I needed to go in.
My doctor could see I was not my normal cheery self so approached my bed and asked what was wrong.
He explained that all my symptoms were very common and are something called Anticipatory Nausea.
It’s something a lot of cancer patients go through and is actually more common in the younger generation.
He then gave me lots of reassurance, reminded me I only have 6 weeks to go and that he has no doubt I can totally do this.
He then gave me a lovely drug called Lorazepam to help settle my nerves and make me a little sleepy.
And let me tell you, Lorazepam is the mother effing MAN!! I was dozzy as fook and it felt great!!
All jokes aside, I’m happy I got through that day, so glad I got to speak to my amazing Doctor as he helped me to feel less silly about being upset.
He reminded me that I am only human and it’s ok not to be ok.
It’s ok to be scared and not to feel as strong as you aim to, this shit is no walk in the park but I’m lucky to have the support of some fanbloodytastic humans and for that I am so grateful!! #itsoktonotbeok #sometimesicry #butimonlyhuman #igetscaredtoo #andthatsok #emotionsarehigh #lumpinmythroat #vibes #butitsok #notlongleft #iknow #9down #3togo #theendisinsight #cancercandoone #cancersucks #chemosucks #hodgkinslymphoma #sucksbigtime #butiamaqueen #icandothis
When I can't even breath properly at the swimming pool, but still went to watch The Meg, bcs why not make myself suffer even more anyway (( Dr. Zhang and Jaxx tho ♥ I actually forgot where I put the movie ticket until today ))