🔻 Rot, rot, rot sind alle meine Farben! 🔻 Wir sind 🔥 für dieses rote Sofa! Wie gefällt euch die knallige Farbe?
The story of our couch, PART 1:
I saw it on Craigslist during a lazy Santa Fe afternoon. We, the couch & I, met in a dark room. In the diffused afternoon light it looked soft & pink & lovely like an underwater shell the Little Mermaid might have lounged on while daydreaming in her secret cave. I don’t know why that appealed to me (a 30-something, first-time mom, more of a bold-color-type) but it did. *
After the exchange of cash, we brought my new purchase into the light of day. The color revealed itself to be closer to what I would describe as “testicle,” which might not have been so egregious if I hadn’t also overlooked the fact that the couch smelled like a dive bar come Sunday morning. The ad said “smoke free” so I hand’t considered the matter further. My husband later, & somewhat righteously, informed me that the seller had welcomed us into his home whilst smoking a cigarette. I blamed my subpar detective work on breastfeeding & lack of sleep (D was just 6 months-old). I blamed the lack of communication & overall fiasco entirely on him. What began as an unmemorable day was now the start of a month long battle with a couch whose very mention caused my palms to sweat. I refused to bring it inside. I refused to put it on the curb. I left in search of a pretty shell but returned with an albatross. A stinking, testicle-pink, albatross. *
In the end we hauled the couch onto the roof of our old adobe home. I consulted every friend, blog & cleaning company in the area for their advice. I sprayed it, scrubbed it & dusted it with baking soda so many times I lost count. I put trays of charcoal under it to absorb the smell. I got fancy & rented a carpet cleaner with upholstery attachment & doused it in vinegar & essential oil blends with names like “Purity” and “Serenity” that had no noticeable effect on the couch but, in retrospect, probably helped diffuse my worsening mood. The final blow in the Battle of the Couch came when I picked up the seat covers from the dry-cleaner. I waited till I was home to open the plastic bags and inhale what I already knew - the smell of defeat. I threw the covers alongside the couch where they landed like two crumpled soldiers.