my best friend stopped going to school for days at a time her senior year. when the boy she’d been in love with since she was 15 broke her heart for what seemed like the millionth time, i think she lost the last piece she had of herself. she stopped picking herself up off the floor and started laying in the middle of streets, blaming her absences on senioritis and late nights. i think when you love someone that much, it really takes a toll on you. sunsets start painting out their name in orange hues and the wind sounds like their laugh and your brother starts wearing the same cologne as they did, and you can’t get away from any of it no matter how hard you try to.
when my friend and his girlfriend of four years broke up our junior year, he started doing his homework less and started partying more. i think when he lost the only constant he had known since we were all 12, he crumbled. he promised my friends and i that he was just having fun now that he was free, but i stopped recognizing the look in his eyes the day she broke his heart. i think when you spend so much time with one person and they leave, you don’t just lose them, but you lose yourself too.
my friend and his girlfriend broke up for the last time because she promised she wouldn’t cheat on him again or hit him again, and she broke them both. they were driving down the road on the way to school and she made him pull over so she could hit him because she was angry. that night she crawled into bed with her ex, and it broke my friend in every place possible. he swore he was okay, but every time someone raised their voice or moved too fast, he flinched. i think when someone you love hurts you and says it’s because they care, you expect everyone else to hurt you too.
when i was 16 i thought i had fallen in love with the boy in my english class but really i loved the way he made me feel wanted and he loved the way my body felt against his. i learned that no matter how hard or loud you scream or how many times you tell him not to touch you it doesn’t mean he’ll listen, so i learned to shut my mouth and save my breath because it wasn’t going anywhere anyway. he broke me that night and i lost pieces of myself