I hate today. December 18th is a day that I will always dread; a day I will always pray that time moves faster through. Yet it never will.. the day will drag on, painfully, as I try to distract myself from remembering the last December 18th I felt anything. •
I can’t believe it’s been 5 years since we learned my beautiful little brother no longer was with us on Earth. I remember every minute of the morning as if it were yesterday, until the phone call confirming our greatest fear that John was gone. And then I felt nothing. I remember screaming. I remember hot tears running down my face. I remember feeling like the world stopped and everything went blurry. •
My biggest prayer today is that my brother is free from everything that troubled him and drove him to take his life, followed by prayers for anyone feeling alone, depressed, or having suicidal ideations, that they feel a sense of comfort. That they can find and hang on to that flicker of hope and to not let it fade.
It is our responsibility to remind those in our lives how loved they are. That they matter. That they have a reason they’re on this earth. •
I keep seeing posts where the National Suicide Hotline is posted- and don’t get me wrong; it’s great the number is out there. But as someone who lost my best friend in this way, I promise you that had my brother seen that number, it wouldn’t have changed anything.
We have to be proactive with our friends and family. With what they aren’t saying...their facial expressions, their body language, their mannerisms. I look back now and I’ve combed through my interactions with my brother over the last several months of his life, and I’m angry because I missed some signs that possibly could have changed the outcome. Or maybe they wouldn’t have.
My point is, pay attention to the people around you. Reach out to those who may be needing it. Spread love and kindness always, but especially throughout the holiday season; it can be so hard for an extraordinary amount of people who will never ask for help, never call a hotline-and they’re the ones that need it the most.
I love you, Johnny. I miss you every day.
#suicideprevention #afsp #spreadlove #everylifematters