It’s always about this time of year I’ll talk about my experiences of growth and sexual assault/abuse. I’ll probably post more on the 17th as well.
But this memory (the left) popped up on my Facebook and I mean.. just look at me. I was a sheltered little girl. That was 2011. I was also being abused by the person with their arm around me.
The photo on the right? That’s me a few days ago. I wanted to share a bit of my experience as far as sex, as a #survivor
. My ex husband abused me before we got married and during. I was always pretty emotional about sex with him in general considering he abused me and I was Christian so I felt extra guilty, dirty, and unworthy. I felt like I wasn’t worth it because he wouldn’t wait for me. He would hurt me and then promise over and over that he would never do it again. Over and over again he broke his promise.
During the marriage he would use sex against me. I went through phases of not wanting my breasts to be touched and he just didn’t get it, it would make him angry if I refused him and he would turn over and ignore me all night. I was left to cry on the opposite edge of the bed, I felt like trash and ugly.. I thought something was wrong with me and I kept asking myself
“Why am I like this?” I got really emotional with certain positions or actions done in the bedroom and I thought that was something wrong with me too. But after I left him, and eventually began having sexual relations with another man.. I’ve come to find out that there was never anything wrong with me. The things that make me emotional Are actually quite common among women and that’s okay. I realize now that the only reason I had these issues to begin with were because of him and the fact that I was married to the person who hurt me as a child. It was because I was still With him. And subconsciously that destroyed me. Leave bad partners. You don’t have time for that shit.
Be free, get out, be safe. .
#minitestimony #testimony #hope #survivor #sexualassault #abuse #partner #ex #marriage #relationship #couple #free #the #time #is #now #talkaboutit #metoo