I used to push myself to be normal, I was afraid that others judge me strange.When I try to become to ordinary people, I was work in a ordinary company in my hometwon, I need to say something hypocritical, to join in some empty social. I create art, I make handmade jewelry, I like photography , watch music performances, travel…
But not much people have open mind in my hometown, people think artists are very crazy. I often hear people judge me , "You are so avant-garde….”
I suppress myself and make myself look less crazy. I feel very difficult, depressed and oppressed, I am not happy that time.
I quit my job then travel and moved to Shanghai again, I work for myself.I feel very comfortable living in Shanghai this multicultural city, there are more people who like my personality and handworks.
I found out why I'm not happy：
“We want to be normal because we want to be accepted.”
I used forced myself to become “Normal” for fear of society's reaction.
Why do I want people to accept me? It’s impossible for everyone to like me, and I don’t need.
The surrounding has affected me a lot, I want to be myself.So I moved to Chiangmai in Nov 2017, because it is more diverse and very cheap,This environment can help me improve myself quickly.
I changed my personality in 2018,The feeling is that the one I was suppressed has been awakened.
The real myself seems to have not left, I just slept for a long time, but now I'm awakened. .
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