Nothing positive here so if you can't or want read something like this then don't. If anyone even reads these🤔
I'm not even sure why I write something like this. Maybe I want some understanding or something. And yes, I want some attention too.
I'm not so embarrassed of talking depression anymore, because I just can't hide it, I've been sick the most of my life.
I hate that disease, I've tried my best during the last years, but always when I'm feeling better, that same shit starts again, and it always gets worse.
This disease ruins everything, your mind is fucked up, you feel so worthless, sad, weak and stupid, you hate yourself, it effects your social life, you are damn lonely, you think everyone hates you or something etc, do I need to continue? And please, don't say I need jesus or something.
And yes I know it could be much worse! But what can you do when you are fucked up?
I found this pic of myself from spring, when I had lost weight 30kg, and the other pic is three years earlier when I was 30kg bigger. Thin or fat, never satisfied. Well, of course to me thin is better. But I've had and still have very bad self esteem issues.
I have got some weight back during the summer, but I don't stress that so much anymore. Well that's good. I mean the stress.
Last spring I didn't eat much, didn't have much appetite, and I just walked many hours every day, I couldn't stay long in one place because of anxiety, depression, panic attacks etc.
That's not a good way to lose weight, but sometimes you can't think properly when you are way too fucked up.
But still, I will not stop fighting.
Damn that older pic is horrible lol.
#weightloss #nowandbefore #transformation #thin #fat #sick #fuckedup #depression #anxiety #panicattack #selfesteemissues #fuckdepression #depressioniskillingme #masentunupaska #metalhead #kreator #thrashmetal #finnishboy #igerstampere