*Warning: This is a long and special one*
On certain days, I feel so heavy about being away from my family that I want to close everything out here and go back and relax with them. I want to be with them more than anything. It's an overwhelming feeling, hardly explainable but absolutely dominant. I feel incomplete, and more simply alone about being so away from them especially since for the past few months I don't even have a roommate.
It's all cool, staying alone, the no rules scenario, late nights, watching films throughout the night, etc. but at one point you want to come home to much more than just an empty bed, pile of clothes to wash and not to forget - bottles to fill if you want to drink water.
It's not like I hate living alone, it's an experience that has transformed me as a person and helped me grow so much more than I ever thought. I've changed from what I was in November 2017, when I first moved in alone to now in January 2019. However, on certain days you want to cuddle your mother, you want to laugh with/at your daddy and argh watch television with them if not anything else!
And since all of that is such a far fetched dream now, every phone call, every little conversation with them is priceless and too emotional atleast for me.
Through all the pain, I've been luck enough to find friends who've made sure to be around through thick and think like my parents would've been. I chose this picture because I never thought I'd laugh so much on my birthday this year (the first ever year I wasn't at home) and they made sure I laughed all day long. I can't tag everyone, but all of you know who'll this post is for.
Nevertheless, through the tough times, the rough times, the muddy puddles and the dangling cradles - I've had one thing constant - my own self and the day I stopped underestimating myself and started believing in everything I did - I can't tell you guys how much it changed my life. And thus, my heart races when I think about how far I'm from my family but I'm also equally elated to be with my extended family here - and most probably surprisingly I trust myself way more than I would normally.
I'll just write a blog about this later!