I haven’t done the #10yearchallenge
yet. It’s hard for me to look at pictures from back then but I managed to find one I’m OK with. I don’t love it, but I can handle putting it out there. Today I hit 5 months on T and it perfectly coincided with shot day and for some reason hitting 5 months made me really introspective.
First off, yes, 10 years ago I had a mohawk. In my family, hair was always just hair and not as much of a gendered thing as it was for some people, something I’m very grateful for. Aside from one bout of extreme ‘I need to be girly’ freak out in middle school, my hair has been short for most of my life.
For me, hair was never going to be the biggest, visible change because it’s always been short. In fact, the biggest changes I’ve always been hoping for are internal. I don’t have a beard, or crazy muscles, but I am getting to a place where I can look at myself and smile instead of cringe or want to cry. I may not look as different between the two pictures as some of the other trans people I’ve seen post these, but inside is SO different now.
That me, dressed up as Heroin Bob from SLC Punk for Halloween, picked that costume because it would hide my form and I could ‘pretend’ to be a guy for a night. That me had already headed into the first of many rounds of denial about being trans. That me would have laughed in your face if you told him that in 10 years time he’d be 5 months on T. Hell, that me would have likely had a panic attack if you had used male pronouns to address him.
Here I am, 10 years later and I’m still a work in progress. For me, this isn’t about showing some massive amount of physical change in two pictures. For me, this is just a reminder to myself that I CAN have the life I want, I just have to fight for it. It’s a reminder that it’s okay to spend your whole life as a work in progress as long as you’re going after what makes you truly happy.
#ftm #ftmtransgender #transgender #femaletomale #transguy #transatwork #transman #thisiswhattranslookslike #selfmademan #lgbtq #lgbt #vitamint #wontbeerased