Some days it’s cold around here and some days it’s back near the 50’s. This Oregon “winter” has me missing the snow and really knowing what season it currently is.
Speaking of seasons, this season of life has me up and down just like the temperatures. A year ago, I found out I was pregnant and then quickly found out that I was having my second miscarriage. It was hard not only because of the loss, but because of so much more that was going on with my family.
Then again in April, I found out I was pregnant. I was due to have a baby on the day that I previously discovered I was having a miscarriage back in December on last year. Now that day has come again, today. I’m still not holding another little baby of my own in my arms.
I thought I was doing well the other day and then I realized that it was getting close to my third baby’s due date. I never thought that after getting pregnant with my first kiddo so easily and that it went so well, mostly. Well, I never thought that I would be here.
I never thought I’d be the one struggling to have another kid. I never thought I would have a miscarriage, let alone 3. ^
Well, God is good and I’m still holding onto Him. I’m still not sure what our growing family will look like or if it will even grow. I’m not sure how long I want to continue this process. I just don’t know. How can I? There are still so many fears and so many desires.
I’m also not going to let this get me down this season, but I am going to remember my angel babies and forever keep them close. I will also continue to mourn their loss when needed, because it will never go away. Embracing it makes it better. One day I’ll hold them in heaven. One day. ^
How are you doing with all your biggest struggles? Are you still rejoicing and looking for hope in God? You need to. He will get you through.