when our high ceilings were shrinking in a horizon of black smoke and i couldn't find the quiet flame in bloom, those screaming alarms became terrifying...
the things we almost lost in the fire weren't any where near as valuable as our selves but i'm still grateful i flew into fight and managed to suffocate that belching flame on my own
the fright of yesterday had me awake half the night, afraid that the heat would catch again and this time it would be too late to put out. the repercussions of a house fire, besides the charcoal belongings and the charming carpet of soot, is this all too familiar anxiety throbbing back through me head to toe. somewhere in the night my hands became water and my heart felt just like i remember as a kid riding over the judder bars of a cattle gate
the event made me think, how i need voice the same physical shriek to send off alarm. in the last months if we have fell off, and you thought me rude or awkward or mean, let me explain. i've been walking the worst of health, struggling to keep a broken heart and heavy head abreast. and if that fight led me away from you it's because i had need hold what small reserve there were left for raising a small boy who needs me at my best. perhaps you won't know the fight i have already had to protect him. the bleed in the beginning, the long arduous labour in which the pattern of life left the room... above all its just me and him and his health and his happiness will possibly lose me a lot more than the love of my life