Probably a TW ⚠️
Chronic illness brings you down and tires you out. It makes you too tired/sore to socialise, show up to every important event. Makes you too tired/sore to show up to every appointment. Sometimes makes you too tired/sore to even get out of bed for a whole day. You don’t have the energy to reply to every message or call. To put your phone on “Do Not Disturb” so you don’t have the anxiety of all the notifications. It wears you out, not in the way of having worked all day, or worked out so hard, or had a busy day. It wears you out to the point that sitting up and dragging your feet is a huge effort. Chronic illness is the physical form of mental illness and no one can see it either. So those who don’t go through it don’t understand and try to push you because they think that’s what you need. It’s not like breaking a bone and then getting physio for it. It’s indescribable to someone who doesn’t go through it. It’s hard for anyone to be patient with me, especially when I don’t know how to articulate how I feel or what I want to say a lot of the time. They sometimes find it hard to believe because I have a history of being melodramatic. And I completely understand where they are coming from, because I’m not sure what kind of person or friend I’d be like to someone going through chronic illness if I hadn’t gone through it myself. It is never ending and there is no guarantee of when it will stop, and that makes you emotionally drained hearing that. When you’ve been stopped given options to move forward you don’t see a light at the end of the tunnel. When you’ve fought in every way you can to get better and there’s no change, you’re at a complete loss and on the verge of giving up. I can now say that I have tried everything, I have taken every option and I fought harder than I ever thought I could. I don’t see an end or a light. I’ve been pushed to the edge. I’m about to jump. Don’t be fooled by my smiles and posed photos. Those are fake. My eyes are what show how I’m really feeling and doing.