When I got married I thought I could never be happier. I thought maybe my love was tapped out. Then we had our first baby and I realized my capability of loving someone was even greater. My heart broke easier, it soared higher, and it felt more accessible. I loved my baby; but I still loved him more. Number two son came and I didn’t feel much. I was numb and sad and disconnected for a long time. Guilt, shame, questioning... but he stepped in and I loved him even more. Son number three came and it was pure joy. We felt like new parents because it was so sweet; and also experienced parents because we weren’t worried about every little thing. Three little men to love and yet I still loved him more. Number four. The biggest challenge yet. Stress, struggles, insecurity as a parent. Many fights, tears and frustration. But somehow he loved that little terror more than I could...and my love for him grew exponentially. And then she came. The baby girl we both had dreamt about for years. Just when I thought my heart would burst with love for her; he held her and I melted at the sight.
Marriage isn’t easy but it is beautiful. Love is an immeasurable force that pulls us through darkness and trial into wonders we never imagined. And in case I don’t say it enough... babe, I loved you first and I’ll always love you most.
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