I'm not even going to sugar coat it, I have been down in the dumps due to pain I was not expecting from a surgery complication. I have lost so much hair I'm scared to touch it. Before anyone tells me it isn't a big deal, it will grow back... please, I ask that you don't. It isn't that simple. #1
, I'm in a lot of pain, and if you ever have been there, pain makes dealing with everything harder. #2
, I fcking love my body for what it has been through for me, but I'm struggling with loving how I look right now. Hair loss, a bleeding incision, covered in scars, blisters from IV tapes, a drain, pale, etc. #3
, the fact I have severe Crohn's makes me want to throw a rock at the phrase "it will grow back quickly." Will it grow back, ok it should. Because of nutrition issues with Crohns, it is not that simple. But make no mistake, I love this broken body I'm in so much.
But, I have been doing a lot of research. I have started adding @vitalproteins
Collagen, fast absorbing manganese, keratin, and blends of B vitamins supplements since I struggle with B6. I'm using essential oil rubs that include basil, lavendar and a lotion for muscles called Deep Blue. I wrap my leg in heat wraps. And, I force myself to grit through the waves of nerve pain before I break down and get relief from Valium & Percocet. I have even added liquid fish oil to my diet with high levels of vitamin D3 and have acupuncture scheduled. I'm willing to try everything.
So, here is what I'm trying to say. I've had my melt down. I've cried from the pain. I've played out the worst case scenarios in my head. But now, I have read all the beautiful messages everyone has sent me. I know there are so many people praying this resolves and heals. And now, I have finally reached acceptance and I'm not letting a setback ruin this beautiful fcking life I was given a second chance to live. I have defeated what has supposed to kill me so many times. I'm going to heal and get my mobility back.
Thank you to everyone for lifting me up. I have read every single message. I sincerely apologize it has been so hard for me to respond to all of them. As always, I owe ALL my strength to all of you.