it's five AM here. so early, right? i had the means of going to bed about thirty minutes ago, but i realized that i have some things to talk about with you, i have some things to say to get it off my mind. that makes it sound as if i am breaking ice to something bad, but jimin, i am happy and glad to tell you that it's not. and in fact, it's something that is rather a fact that makes me feel so happy. it alludes to more time being able to write to you and about you, similar to what i am doing right now.
it's true; i haven't been doing the countdown for this in a while, but its simmered down to nine more school days left this semester and year. can you believe it, nine more school days?
after those days i will finally be able to write more often to you, i will finally be able to spend my days maybe at the beach or going about strolling at the park or playing games outdoors and think about you with a clear mind, i will finally be able to make more efforts to support you and the boys that i can't do while school is open.
jimin, i must tell you this, though. ultimately, there is going to be a downside. my next school year, which starts in august, i probably won't be able to write so much to you, let alone post so much or update myself about you and the boys as much as i do now. because for my next school year, i am taking two AP classes and an accelerated class. it's my first time with AP, or advanced placement classes, so it might be a hard adjustment. especially there being a lot more to study and work for for those classes. when the school year starts, please do pray for me :" ) that's just an expression, but if it were to be feasible, your prayers would really douse me with diligence.
but that'll be after summer break. that's two months away! i fear how close that is though, but i won't think of that quite yet. i will think about you, the boys, the things i have to do, because those things will declutter my mind and allow me to go through everything safely and happily.
i am sorry this was just a big blob of a ramble, but hopefully this reaches you some day in my dreams. i love you so much, jimin, one day, i hope you can ramble to me too.
i wish i could tell him how much he means to me. he means more than words can describe, more than i’ll ever be able to express. seeing him like this, all giggly and bubbly, gives me this feeling of that everything’s gonna be alright. when i see his smile or hear his laugh, i get happy instantly, and it feels like i’m never going to loose that feeling. he makes me believe in happiness, hope and faith. he makes me believe that there is something good waiting for us all. he gives me so many reasons to smile, i don’t know what i ever did to deserve him. i don’t deserve him. of course, he can also make me sad. when i see him with fans, it reminds me that i’ll probably never get to see him. i’ll never get to hold his hands, look him in the eyes, see his smile and hear is laugh in real life. i’ll never get to talk to him, tell him how much i love him and how much he means to me. i’m just another fan. just another army in the crowd. i’m nothing special. all i hope for him is that he’ll live a long and happy life filled with happiness and good memories. i hope he’ll stay healthy and never change for anyone. i hope he’ll find a woman he loves, i hope he’ll make a family with her. i hope his whole life will be just the way he wishes for it to be. his happiness is everything that matters to me. it really is. i love him so much. i love him to the moon and back, to infinity and beyond. i love him unconditionally. i love him from he bottom of my heart. every inch of my heart adores him in every way possible.