#kidsareassholes

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#Repost @coffeekidsandvodka ・・・ Woke up to my daughter doing a high pitch scream as her and her brother were wrestling downstairs. I need coffee maybe vodka at the moment. It’s Sunday go back to sleep you little turds. . . . . #parentingmemes #kidsaretheworst #kidsareassholes #momlife #kids #ineedvodka #gobacktobed #kidsaredicks #boymom #girlmom
We were almost poisoned tonight but we wine ain’t fizzy #kidsareassholes #pinkchalk #sorrywehavemore
Absolutely fascinating place. Would love to have spent more time but Boo was "bored" #KidsAreAssholes
Huffing. Diffusing. Wearing. Bathing in... Because here’s some solidarity to anyone feeling my life, lately. -if you feel like all you do is cook food, clean up after, and wash dishes...I feel you -if you have to resort to rage screaming at your kids because they literally laugh when you give a direction...I feel you. -if your son is on school vacation and doesn’t know what “be quiet when your brother and sister are napping” means...I feel you. -if you spent 45 hours a day nursing a small dictator who refuses to eat solids and has made you lose half your body weight...I feel you. -if your entire social media newsfeed is full of people saying they’re sick or their kids are sick so you haven’t left your mountain since New Years because you’re so crippled with germ fear...I feel you. -if going down to change the laundry around seems like climbing Everest...I feel you -if you for some random reason think that your couch is falling apart because there is a hole where your ass sits and nurses a baby all day....I feel you. -if you have spent your entire life savings to heat your house this winter because Vermont hates you....I feel you. -if your kids are never full - but won’t eat their damn dinner....I feel you. -if you’re wearing the same clothes that you were wearing Sunday and then wore to bed and then planned to change yesterday but never got to....I feel you. -if your spouse works 12 hour shifts and you see them maybe 13 minutes a night...I feel you. -if your student loan went up when they said it would go down....I feel you. -if your oldest son accused you of “not having a real job” during lunch, yesterday and then you had to take a moment with Jesus before you lost your shiizzzzz....I feel you. ......here’s a nice bottle of “I can’t afford to go to jail until after my taxes come back” I feel ya.... #realshit #motherhood #lifeishard #kidsareassholes #ineedspring #motherhood #motherhoodunplugged #senddrpepper 😂😂😬😬😐😐🖕🏼
🥳👉🏻And then my sour patch kid turned 5... #birthdayboy 🎉 #sourpatchkid #mymancrushmonday
That escalated quickly... #mcm #mancrushmonday #gottoddlered
Playing dress up in my skirt. Thank goodness for tide products. Lol #momlife #dulcevita #dulcevida #preciousdaughter #bestbuds #fashionista #kidsareperfect #kidsareassholes #kidsarecrazyfunny
Sometimes they are a joy and sometimes they are arseholes 🤷🏻‍♀️ that’s having kids I suppose. #enjoythejourney #kidsareassholes #thedaysarelongbuttheyearsareshort #lovethemreally
Won our game, my kids support me like I support them, they also be roasting me durning my games too it's called equal balance #soccerlife #indoorsoccer #familygoals #kidsareassholes
I’m not one for cheesy posts, but I saw a similar letter board from @christy_mel and I couldn’t resist. You all know my love for @homegoods is so real. These little humans drive me to drink almost everyday, but they’re mine, and they also keep me sane. ❤️ Swipe to see the outtakes, #3 is the story of my life. 🙈🤦🏻‍♀️ #kidsareassholes . . . . #letterboard #letterboards #letterfolk #letterfolkquotes #letterboardquotes #letterboardquote #feltletterboard #homegoodshappy #homegoods #familytime #familylife #momlifebelike #momlife #motherhoodthroughinstagram #momentsofmotherhood #realmotherhood #motherhoodthroughig #motherhoodthroughletterboards #modernfarmhousestyle #modernfarmhousedecor #makehomeyours #quoteoftheday #relatablepost #relatableposts #myhousebeautiful #housebeautiful
This guy was a real shit st church. So while the other two go to the movies with daddy we stay home. Baking may be a reward but it’s also a way to get him talking about his behavior. This kid is going to end us! 🤦🏼‍♀️ #kidsareassholes #denver #datesquares
Woke up to my daughter doing a high pitch scream as her and her brother were wrestling downstairs. I need coffee maybe vodka at the moment. It’s Sunday go back to sleep you little turds. . . . . #parentingmemes #kidsaretheworst #kidsareassholes #momlife #kids #ineedvodka #gobacktobed #kidsaredicks #boymom #girlmom
My obnoxious child trying to ruin my boomerang!! #oldfashioned #firebirds #kidsareassholes #stillloveyouthough
Well no shit, Sherlock.
Another super fun bball lesson. #kidsareassholes
If you watched my stories you know what she did. 🤦🏻‍♀️🤦🏻‍♀️ #goodthingshescute #kidsareassholes #fridayfeels #sendwine #tomybestie #shecleanedit
This doggie has seen some things... #gottoddlered #furryfriday #dogstagram #dogsofinstagram
We tried going out as a family for Valentines Day 🙃 do not recommend #kidsareassholes • • • • • #momlife #parenthood #parentinghumor #parenting #momblog #momblogger #mombloggers #ncblogger #ncbloggers #lifestyleblog
I asked the kids to smile, this is Freddie’s reaction and Chloe is flicking the V’s at someone. Whoever taught her the peace thing I want to hunt them down! A moment of bliss in a mostly shouty day! #kidsareassholes #halfterm #whenistexas
My kid set this @lego alarm to go off at 1am. I should have seen that one coming. . #TheJokesOnMe #TheJoker #parenting101 #moms #scarymommy #parenthood #kidsaretheworst #kidsareassholes #tgif #fridayfeeling #lego
Good to know. Thanks London 😂#allthecandy #beemine #valentinesday #kidsareassholes
Doesn’t matter how old they get. It’s valentines! #adultkids #teenagers #kidsareassholes #valentinesday
So Maddie decided she liked my shirt better and took it without telling me. It was awfully nice of her to pack me hers though. 😂 #happymeowintinesday #sneaky #kidsareassholes #cats #catsofinstagram #bettergetusedtoitiguess #yesicanwearmy10yearoldsclothes #shortpeopleproblems
🖕Hit Like to share🖕Mike Winnet's Work/Business Tips - this series will be going on my #youtubechannel (click link in bio and #subscribe for more). This is a pilot episode, as we want to share #bestpractice #smallbusinessadvice with #youngentrepreneurs so they can be as #successful as #mikewinnet . -- #advice like this is essential to any aspiring #businessowner so leave a comment saying #agree below so more people can learn these essential #businesstips and #businesshacks . -- 👇Comment below - more on YouTube👇
• W H O ‘ S W I T H M E ? • A little bitta 1 and a little bitta 2 😂 #mumlife
Bought myself a dress for my birthday. Max told me I should wear leggings. I say, jokingly, "Why? Are my legs too fat?" And this little bastard smiles sheepishly and looks at his feet and nods. #kidsareassholes #bbw #imbeautiful #fuckyoukid
This year is Anders’ first year having to write out valentines for his entire class... it started out SO SWEET! “I get to show her i love her?!” “Maybe___(keeping anonymous for reasons) won’t be mad at me anymore if i give her this one... she’s the smartest girl i know so i want to give her the biggest one, he’s so cool mom, he knows imagine dragon songs too” and then it turned into—- “this is boring, i don’t even like him bc he tells on me, do i have to write her one?... I’m going to give her a thanos one because she’s a bad guy.... im tired of writing, can i skip him, he doesn’t wash his hands after peeing” 😳😂 #rudekid #kindergardener #valentines #kidsareassholes
I love these submissions in which the before is a non-parent sitting in a wide-open space, peacefully enjoying nature and solitude, and the after is invaded by children, the scourge of silence, the devourers of all that is tranquil, the enemies of all personal space! #wcw #womancrushwednesday #gottoddlered
I totally see Sonja pulling this ish. She doesn’t know I already know all the tricks. #kidsareassholes #kidsarefunny
It’s #womancrushwednesday , so I am tempted to make a joke about the danger that baby is in, but I feel too bad that she has probably spent a fortune on new bras. #wcw #gottoddlered #duckfaceselfie
I am having an absolutely shit week so here’s the sunset from a little up my road #lovewhereyoulive #myroad #mykidsarealwayssick #icouldsleepforaweek #kidsareassholes #isittoolatetoconsideradoption #sunset #silouette #suffolk #purdy
I don’t know how these kids forget what they need to do to get ready for school EVERY SINGLE MORNING #MOMLIFE #BadMom #momproblems #kidsareassholes
Little shits
The independence is strong in these little turds 💩 - - - #kidsaretheworst #kidsareassholes #independentwoman #belowaverageparents
I heard a “ploop” in my coffee and realized Bubs put a mystery item in there. Do I just dump the precious and necessary liquid and start over? Do I just drink it without knowing what’s in my cup? No and no. You strain that shit into another cup and savor each drop. Guess what I found?? 🤦🏻‍♀️ #momlife #lifewithtoddlers #kidsareassholes #icantmakethisshitup #keepinitreal ☕️ mug courtesy of @kacieque
My friend Joel, who runs the awesome @thedad site, sent along his profile pics from before and after he had kids. I try not to run staged photos but this one is too on point not to share. Plus, I need more submissions from dads! Guys, stop pretending your face/body/life/dreams weren’t destroyed when you have kids and send in your #mcm photos! And follow @thedad on IG and FB! #mancrushmonday #gottoddlered
🎶Sometimes you want to go/ where nobody knows your name/ or calls it over and over again/ until you get them a snack or put on a show/ because they have tiny brains/ you want to be where nobody calls your name... 🎶 . (That bar would be called JEERS.) #mcm #mancrushmonday #gottoddlered
How is this still a surprise? 😑
Ok, ok, ok...Imma let y'all finish, but....have y'all ever had a DAUGHTER? My kids must had traded places. My son was the best baby, toddler, kid. He was well behaved, always content, and just a squishy chunky little ball of love. 2 years later I gave birth to the girl.............this child came out with an attitude 🤣. Please understand that my daughter is perfection just like her brother, she is EVERYTHING id ever ask for in a daughter, but that didnt make raising her any easier 🤣. From day one, she does what she wants, when and how she wants. She takes ZERO shit. It has been 17 years of NO CHILL. Thank God I got one of each. If Id had her 1st, Id NEVER had had another!! Ok, y'all can finish... . . #sendhelp #lmao #boysandgirls #worldsokayestmom #girlsbelike #mykidsmom #lmao #parenting #kidsareassholes #goodmorning #momlife #rp @luzantillaisememes
I did something I’ve ALWAYS wanted to do... I painted on a household wall. I totally kept feeling like my mom was going to come in and yell “SHIREE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!” But.... OUR house! Specifically our mermaid bathroom downstairs... Swipe to see the vintage Birthday card I used as inspiration/source for copy work 🥰✔️ Also Ara told me “ you could be an artist!” I told her I kind of was already... & she said “but you’re JUST a Costume Designer” 😳😒🙄😫😭 Also when I was done: ( pointing to another bathroom wall) “ ok, now some decorations on this one” 😑#goodgrief #thankskid #kidsareassholes #ilovemydaughter #creativemomproblems #kidcritics #mermaidpainting #mermaidmural #vintagemermaid
When you don't realize your eldest monster leaves "Furry porn" on your computer as a joke, and your husband looks at you like WTF are you into when he borrows it. LMFAO!!!! She soooooo may not touch my laptop again! #embarrassed #kidsAreAssholes #lovethem #family #jokesonme #joke #lmfao #humilation #furryporn #men #mymonster #husband #OMG #caught #busted #fml #icantbelieveyouvedonethis #dontTrustKids #humor #devious #assumptions #IwillNotLiveThisDown #paybacks #justwait #iwillgetyou #trust #trustissues #iwillgetyouwhenyouleastexpectit #donttrustkids
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