#kidsareassholes

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Thanks for the help, pal. #loud #loudaf #kidsareloud
His daughter is four months old now. We’re approaching lift-off.
This is unacceptable! And I am beyond disappointed in Rio Linda Prep. #stopbullying #bullying #notokay #kidsareassholes
To be fair, I got 8-year-olded too. They work together most days. @gottoddlered #headache #migraine #kidsareloud #gottoddlered
Pretending it's fuck it all Friday 😩 these kids are driving me round the twist at the moment 😟 #fuckitallFriday #YesIknowitsonlyWednesday #fml #kids #wine #kidsareassholes
the public school death cold has hit my home,and I got the worst of it 🤧. Moms cant take sick day! #death #sendmeds #publicschooldeathcold #momcold #kidsareassholes #sickday #
No offense, all you other people. #otherpeopleskids
Just in case you’re having a bad day... 😂😂😂 . . #lol #jokes #funny #kenya #kidsareassholes
Story of my fucking life.... #KidsAreAssholes
Probably the cheesiest thing I’ve ever created, definitely one of the most accurate. Especially as he keeps piling up birthdays! #superman #growingup #birthday #birthdayboy
Come on, man. I already have kids. #lies #liar #bullshit #truth #honesty
“I want to punch your nibbles” meaning nipples “ a penis in the butt “ “ I farted “ and actually does... loudly without any shame!! It’s really embarrassing and I have absolutely no idea where she gets this! I swear! As I turn bright red and try to hide in the clothing racks.... #momsofinstagram #feltletterboard #letterboard #momblog #momblogger #b1withletterboards #motherhoodthroughletterboards
Legit made REALLY good orange chicken for dinner and OF COURSE the girls refused to eat it and now we start the process of them telling me they are starving all the way until bed time.... #pickyeaters #theyaremissingout #goodfood #kidsaretheworst #kidsareassholes #theymakethemcutesowedonteatthem
All of them are trash. #tantrum #discipline #tantrums
Was scrolling through old photos and came across this gem! That time my son wrote me a lovely letter! #kidsareassholes #writersofinstagram #throughtheeyesofachild #kids #iloveyourstyle #appledidntfallfar
Kids are fun! #discipline
He gave it his best shot. #muffin #mouthful #mouthfulloffood
Territorial AF! #sharing #arresteddevelopment
This week has had me seriously considering doing something unthinkable to get myself some jail time, or hospital time to get some effing peace, quiet & space from the devil that lives inside this child... He’s literally sending me to the brink of insanity and all the coffee in the world is not helping 😭 This week I’m going to a parenting workshop that’s aimed at regaining parental control and effective discipline for strong willed children (that’s putting it very nicely) Essentially I just need help letting him know that I’m the parent, I’m the boss & that he doesn’t control me. I think it’s super important to constantly work on yourself & your relationships with those around you, it’s constant daily maintenance and when you slip up, you fall so hard on your face you think there is no coming back from it. Might even fit some therapy in this week somewhere, (retail or otherwise COUGH COUGH) to get me through the shit storm that is my two year old... All your good thoughts and prayers will kindly be accepted via my PayPal account to fund my therapy 👍🏻 #terribletwos #mumofboys #motherhoodunplugged #mumming #shitshow #kidsareassholes #cuntkid #sendhelp #selfreminder #workingonmyself #maintaineveryday #mumandson #idolovehim #mumlife #motherhoodthroughthelens #mamablog #mumblog #momlife #momblogger
I might have to change this to “throwing” after The Hammer smashed a toy car into the birthday boy’s face. #biting #throwing #birthday #birthdayparty
My kids call my collagen the "old guy drink" 😒 #kidsareassholes #dadlife #fountainofyouth #oldguydrink #runningcirclesaroundthesekids
Spoiler alert- we definitely spilled on this bench. #sorrynotsorry #kidsareassholes
I think that cost me my tip.
These three have drove us to insanity today! 😂 #welovethemreally #campingwithkids #weneedabeer #kidsareassholes
That’s a shame.
Happy 8th birthday to Detective Munch, my Zelda-playing, Beatles-loving, brother-cuddling, book-reading, first-born pain in the ass! #birthday #birthdayboy
My life. Every morning. Follow @realtoughdad !
#latepost #chocolatechipcookies #halfbutter #halfcrisco and 3 cups of chocolate chips makes #delicious #fluffy #cookies Kids are always complaining no more nuthin to snack on. I make it and then they don't eat it... Fricken turds 🤣😡 #momlife #baking #kidrequested #kidsdidnteatit #kidsareassholes
I would rather BUY HIM A CAR than deal with another one of these things! #birthday #birthdayparty
This photo was taken about a year before my first son was born, but the confusion-verging-on-anger-with-a-side-of-buzzed is a pretty good representation of how parenting makes me feel most of the time. #flashbackfriday #fbf
Please note that it was @momandburied ’s idea to forget “the baby.” And you people think I’M the mean one! #textmessage #badrap #marriage #relationshipgoals #relationshipquotes
I’m 100% certain #wine is how #moms survive #toddlerhood ! This #Niecelet has given me a run for my money and solid reminder that moms deserve so much freaking credit! #Shoutout to you moms doing the thing! Cause my youngest is 9 and this #shitishard She is snoozing! And the #bottleofwine is gone... I call that a win, win! #auntiesofinatagram #kids #wineforthewin #momminainteasy #fbombmom well in this cause #auntie #kidsareassholes #sorrynotsorry
I don’t get cheesy often, because it makes my stomach hurt. But the one time I do is around my kids’ birthdays, and Detective Munch turns 8 tomorrow! So today I’m sharing an older post about some of the fun stuff that comes with being a dad. (I could only come up with six.) Check it out via the link in my bio! #birthday #cheesy #sappy #sentimental #beingadad
My mum had all of these old school projects of mine. This is from . . . 2nd grade, I think? I fucking hated dresses because I always wanted to be a boy, but had a couple that were tolerable. I wore them on day 1 of the school year and picture day to make my parents happy. I'm pretty sure it was this year that a boy flipped up my skirt and made me hate dresses even more. Sexual harrassment and the disrespect of a female's right to feel comfortable and safe in public starts so goddamn early. It's not cute and it isn't funny - it's traumatic. Especially as a child who suffered from sexual abuse and already hated males, no boy ever really tried to make me feel like my thoughts that they were all disgusting, horrible monsters was incorrect. If you have a son, teach him to treat ALL other humans with dignity and respect. #teachboystorespectgirls #stopsexualharassment #stoptreatinggirlslikeshit #kidsareassholes #feminism #feminist #throwback #psa
One of several reasons we will NEVER own a fabric #couch . Begged me for the “purple juice” (grape #juicebox ), I look away for 1 minute then in those 60 seconds he poured it on the couch and smeared it around 🤦🏽‍♀️. Well at least it’s 70% water! Thanks @honest for diluting the juice for times like this! 😬....p.s. being a parent makes me wish I could consume some #purpledranks of my own sometimes 😒 ••••••••••• #parentingrealities #toddler #toddlerlife #toddlermomlife #kidsareassholes #parentingtheshitoutoflife
The sad evolution of the kitchen cabinet. (Follow my @gottoddlered page!) #beer #beerstagram #coffee #coffeemug
When, today, your child decides she doesn’t like rice and chicken anymore. #momprobs #satan #monroe #mrbungle #kidsareassholes
If you’re going to give new/impending parents advice, at least make it useful! #advice #newparents #newmom #newdad #parentingadvice #sleepdeprived
Give or take five and a half years...
Man, my boss plays hardball. I was asking for some vacation time and he wanted to negotiate. What douche. Lol jk 😊❤ • • • #mayihave5sleepsplease #stayathomemomlife #sahmlife #newbornbaby #ijustwanttosleep #postpartumlife #ilovemybabyboy #buthewontletmesleep #mybabyisadouche #heissocute #kidsareassholes #parentingfunny
On Saturday, it will be 8 years since Detective Munch was born and I became a father. On Sunday, it will be 8 years and 30 days from when we missed the deadline to drop him at the fire station and I became completely stuck. MEMORIES! #tbt #throwbackthursday #birthday #newdad #safehaven
Woke up adamant I’d finally clear some texts...CANT BELIEVE I LEFT THIS GOLD UNREAD FOR WEEKS!!😂😂😂 You’re a solid-A Aaron x . . . . . . . #morningglory #imshitattexting #assholehumor #missmyshit #kidsareassholes #alove #assholememes #memestgram #loveyourshit #unread4life #forgottengold #mateforlife
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