Tomorrow is my first post-chemo follow-up appointment with my oncologist.
It marks 3 months since we stopped treatment.
It sounds like such a big chunk of time. Why does it feel like it’s only been a few weeks?
I have my list of questions on my phone. I also have a ton of anxiety.
Something I think I never anticipated being an issue, but I find to be a very common issue with those who have completed their treatment plans.
Yeah we are all happy to be alive. We are happy to be cancer-free. We are happy to begin growing hair, and taking back our lives.
But we are changed.
And not just physically. There is a new mental layer of fear, stress, worry, and anxiety.
What if my side effects don’t all go away? What if my hair doesn’t grow back in the same?
What if all this didn’t work? What if it comes back?
Of course this is not a healthy mental place to swim in all day every day, and so we stay positive, we stay focused, we continue on with a new fight. The fight to stay healthy.
We refuse to live a life consumed by fear, but that doesn’t mean that we aren’t afraid.
Hospitals and doctor offices mean something different now, and a routine visit will never feel routine again.
Tonight I dwell on this photo of our precious time in the mountains of Idaho spent sitting on the banks of a beautiful lake completely relaxed.
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