I’m very cognizant of the fact that a year ago today I biked down the street to Billings Clinic where I started my dream job as a labor and delivery nurse. A year later, I’m nowhere near where I then imagined I would be.
I have learned more about limits and pain than I ever would have liked to, but at the same time I have learned more about gratitude, joy, resilience, and mental toughness than I ever even thought possible.
Life goes on, whether it follows the path you planned or not... So here we go, I’m going to continue to trust my strength and am beginning to lovingly weave the strands of limitation and pain into my story.
📷 by @harper.moore after a beautifully sunny shoreline stroll with family 💙
This was one of those days that felt like a setback, even though it probably wasn't. I didn't sleep well last night, but I had a productive morning. I tackled some projects at work reasonably well.
I ate good food, yet struggled to stay awake. I am avoiding anxiety triggers. I have completely disconnected from the news. I took my meds. I didn't drink. I talked to friends. Even cleaned enough to have a houseguest and not feel shame.
I'm obviously unwell, still, even after my triumphant proclamation just yesterday morning. I'm still not firing on all cylinders, yet can't tell if these are medication side-effects or the disease itself, or if this is just my baseline and not my peak.
I'm sure as we get farther out, we'll be able to tell. For now, it still feels too early. Evidently, my mood is going to ebb and flow. My brain is going to roar back to life in fits and spurts. My life isn't going to change overnight. Sometimes the sun just sets, and you need to just make peace with knowing it'll rise again, and you'll have another chance. Maybe that's enough. I hope it is.
18 minutes ago013
Q : How do you feel complete in a world full of hate, separation and sadness?
A : It's hard. I came from a broken family and everyday, I feel incomplete. Looking and still waiting for an assurance that I am loved. When you come from a broken family, you'll immediately have a broken part of you and everyday, I ask God to fill that hole. Madalas, I ask Him to repair my broken heart bec I crave for a complete and happy family.
The thing is.. there is a reason why we feel incomplete.. it is because ONLY GOD is meant to complete and make us whole. It's like a daily COMPLETE DEPENDENCE ON HIM ALONE. Yung kahit anong bilhin mo, makamit mo.. kahit sinong makarelasyon mo o kahit ano pa ang trabahong makuha mo.. laging may kulang. Cause ONLY GOD can make you feel whole.
If sometimes you wonder bakit ka iniwan? Bakit nawala yung work ko? Bakit ako may sakit? Bakit kapos ako ngayon? Hindi man clear yung sagot ngayon.. we know one thing is sure. God is waiting for you to kneel down and pray to Him. Tell Him how you feel and He will give you answers in His time. Hindi naman tayo magpipray because He doesnt hear or notice us, we will pray because that is our way of telling God na "LORD DI KO KAYA NANG WALA KA." GOD is our shield, strength, shelter, strong tower, peace and source of joy. He will never ever leave us. Ang sarap magmahal kay God because we can never outgive His love and blessings to us. What else do we need? God can provide.
So ikaw na kung saan saan pa tumitingin at naghahanap para maging masaya, kumpleto at buo.. wag ka ng malungkot. Kasi si God lang naman ang sagot sa lahat. Never look at what your neighbor has.. look at where God brought you now. You are blessed to still be alive and complete in Him. God is good and faithful. Happy Wednesday!
Whew haven’t on stage since ‘12. Haven’t done a prep since ‘15. Don’t know if I’ll ever do it again but damn I had 12 years worth of fun, great friendships, bad preps, awesome preps. Great shows, bad shows. It was a JOURNEY definitely a marathon rather than a sprint. I learned so many invaluable things.....the sacrifices, injuries, trophies and DNP taught so many lessons. Lol! I hope you smell the roses on YOUR journey, whatever that may be. Learn the lessons that are presented and come out the other side wiser.
NOTE: This was at the end of my career and I was the oldest guy you see here. Notice the difference in muscle shape and quality. Take your time, put in the work and SLOWLY grow into your body. Don’t be so tempted to keep up with other people’s INSTAGRAMS. Do you!
It's amazing how much power I have to change the world around me. For it's not the world around that ever changes, but the perception of how I see it.
If I'm able to see the beauty of the world around me, it's amazing what opportunities I find that I am presented with. For those opportunities are always there, it's just hard to see them if I do not open my eyes to them.
This is a post towards not only physical flaws, but any kind of flaws you may have in life. Its OK to have flaws, and its OK not to hide them all... no one is perfect. Let out whatever you feel comfortable with, and know that it's ok. I have a special someone in my life that has brought out so much good from me and has brought me so much more confidence, and makes me feel special everyday. He has taught me that it's okay not to have a perfect life...and just because you are in a shitty situation, it does not mean you are a shitty person. Just because you make mistakes, that does not make you a bad person. You can have flaws and deal with flaws and still be special to someone. Still be beautiful to someone, and still be cared about by someone. This is something I never realized before... it's okay to not be perfect. 💜 Always be yourself, and love yourself.