These pics are 10 years apart and I not only look very different but I also think and feel very different. In both of the pics I am laughing but in one of them I am chronically unhappy and the most deeply depressed that I had or have ever been, a depression that went on for almost 2 years. One photo was before the bipolar2 diagnoses and the other 10 years living with it. I felt such self loathing I could barely look at myself in the mirror and even looking at the photo on the left now makes me feel like I want to cry and I feel the dreaded lump in my throat. Some will not understand how I could possibly be happier now, being so much heavier but I am! Looks can be deceiving. I made a decision a few years ago that I was no longer going to be at war with myself and I was going to learn to love myself as I am, in this moment. I wanted to be a role model for my girls and I also wanted to start practicing what I preached, about not judging people on their exterior, an exterior that ultimately withers and ages for all of us, but to get to know a persons spirit and soul because that’s where the true beauty lies. This may seem like a backwards before and after photo to some but for me it represents how far I’ve come mentally, emotionally and spiritually and for that I am proud ❤️
Just learnt to play “Lovesong” by The Cure on the uke 💜
Day 7 of Create everyday. I never seem to be able to get the proportions of the facial features right in my portrait sketches and usually I am ok with that but this drawing looks more like another famous face than the one I was sketching, it isn’t finished but let me know who you think it is so i can see if I am right?
Day 4 Create everyday, a recording of the Lizettes 😏 the new year started off a bit rough, I woke up feeling very depressed and that spiralled into a panic that is was the beginning of something and I was headed for a place I dont want to visit again if I can avoid it. So I was forced to make some decisions around my self care, I have been pushing myself beyond acceptable limits. It’s time for me to start getting more rest, drinking less alcohol 😳 and focusing on what’s best for me and one of the top things is creativity. So Ive introverted myself within my own world and just tried to focus on creating and today I woke up feeling the most normal and at peace that I have in over a week.
Day 3 Create everyday, drawing a cartoon ladybird-butterfly 💜
Day 2 Create everyday, work on the comedy script I’ve already started 💜
Day 1 create every day! Writing notes for script ideas 💜
This is and probably will always be my greatest challenge. I am not ok atm and I saying this publicly in text, behind a screen because I still struggle to say it out loud, to open my mouth and form the words. This time of year is tough collectively but this year has been one of the toughest yet. I’ve accepted that I live with a chronic mental illness and that I will need to manage it for the rest of my life, but sometimes my humanness takes over and I start living a little bit too recklessly or I try to battle the stresses alone and little by little the darkness creeps in through the cracks. I can’t think rationally, my inner critic is tearing me down at every turn and all I want to do is hide in my bed, under the covers. I have ignored the signs and tried to keep pushing on but it’s caught up with me. I have become experienced in working through the irritability, the anxiety, the self loathing and the darkest thoughts of ending it all but the black dog has brought me down. A reminder that I must stay forever diligent to looking after myself and being kind and speak out when I am not ok ...
Start over this year and every year, never stop searching for your bliss, never stop learning and growing 💜
Create everyday of December... today’s self expression session at the beach 🏖
Decided to get out of the house and try and do some writing at the beach, so far so good and I’m loving the fact that my car is quite roomy ☀️
Today’s ‘create everyday’ efforts, a colour portrait of Nina Simone 💜
Day 24 of Create everyday is a Christmas Message from my family to yours! Isabelle can hardly contain her excitement 😂💜
Soooo, I might’ve got a new toy in the mail today 😱 but it is a Banjolele, so a little bit different and it’s only a cheaply just so I could see what they’re like 😳😂
Going through a very old notebook for inspiration and came across this piece that I can’t quite figure out, what it’s about, what kind of piece of writing it was intended for 🤔
Today’s instalment is an installation piece I like to call “I have no room for my addiction” 💜
Creativity challenge catch up, Christmas crafts continue 🎁 Today’s episode is brought to you by the letter C 😳😂
Catch up day of the creativity challenge. Some experimenting I’ve been doing in Ableton Live 💜
I’m behind again, but today, day 20 is crafting. I like to try every year to make some of my Christmas presents 🎁
Another catch-up piece for Create everyday of December. Hanging on 💜
I’m never really alone when i’ve got my little chocolate crew 😍
One of the catch-up days for Creating everyday of December, another song I’ve been working on writing this week 💜
Day 16: Create everyday of December. I have missed a few days so I will do a catch up but I have been creating everyday just haven’t documented it. This is a song I’ve been working on over the last four days 💜
Day 12- Create everyday of December. Painting with body paint a practice of the tattoo I am planning in situation (but upside down) and discovered a way to paint on the couch with minimal mess 😳😂
Day 8 & 9 of Create everyday of December a quick portrait sketch and an edited video of the process. It took me about 10 minutes to draw the portrait but considerably longer to edit the video down to an acceptable length.
Day 6 of the Create everyday of December challenge is the its been 39 degrees today and I’ve been at the beach and am now feeling super lazy creation 😳😂
Create everyday of December catch up piece number three. Combining words and images.
Day 5 of Create everyday of December. The black line represent the programming that has been imposed on me by society and the red lines represent my true nature, my thoughts, my feelings, my true wants and drives.
I missed yesterday’s post and I had one to make up for the first of December, so today I will post three pieces to catch up. Create everyday of December. A piece of free flow writing.
Sometimes the words you needs to see to remind you of your purpose fall in front of you just at the right time 💙
Day two of ‘create everyday’ for December, a piece of writing I am going to turn into a song💜
My creativity has been way down in the last few weeks, so I’m going to set my self the create everyday challenge for the month of December to try an build some momentum back up.
All around is
Constant chatter and constant natter
We sit in silence
In Gran’s stark cubicle
Watching the women in their teal pyjamas
And running shoes
And the men in tailored slacks and shiny black lace ups
Gran, with her eye swollen like a ripened plum
Beep beep beep
Beats per minute
My grans heart beats
My grans heart beats too much
We watch the clock
Tick tick tick
The nurse checks grans stats
But her heart rate can’t be caught
The heating is cranked
To keep the elderly warm
Paper thin skin.
I have spent too many hours in hospital rooms this year
Staring the inevitable in the eye
And watching my favourites
Succumb to the way of all things 🦋 #poetry #poetlife #lifeispoetry #lizlanestudio #expressyourself #selfexpression