I felt like I was being choked, my stomach ached and my house felt emptiest even with so many people around. I couldn't feel the floor beneath and my knees were trembling. I wanted to cry, I wanted to scream but my body was no more in my control. It was still and everything around was blank. I was only reminiscing the past, I wanted to curl up in my memories and never come out. I did not want the presence of anyone around me, but I couldn't say anything. I could hardly breathe.
I had so many questions and so little I could say.
I always feared of a day as such, but had never thought what I'd do if it were to come. I knew he was not mine to keep, but only if I could. And when I thought of such a selfish deed, I remembered what he once said to me, when I had expressed how afraid I used to get when I couldn't contact him by any means. He asked me to look out the window pane and look for a smile, and when I would, to think of the reason why I should let him do what he does best.
I gathered up the courage to walk towards the window side and sat by it, I hoped to catch a glimpse of joy and saw school going children playing outside. They were perhaps returning back home from school and while they were at it, they gave me the strength to smile at the thought of a smiling beloved. He has given all he could to a world cruel enough to not realise his worth for the longest time. Amen to pride, to the man I know fought for everything he believed in. To the man who taught me selfless love and to the man of the nation. I am proud to have been the wife of an army officer and I shall be proud for ever.
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picture courtesy- @rohit__ganguly