The major theme of everything I’ve done throughout my adult years has revolved around making men better men. From starting a men’s ministry, to being involved with men’s retreats and dialogue it’s been a passion that’s never gone away in the midst of adulting. Through multiple jobs, trying to pay bills, etc.
and I having our first child I think about what type of father I’ll be. What I’ll say and what I’ll do.
But the one thing I’ve learned is all that is defined about how I care about myself, how I choose to think and treat others.
As men we, I, struggle being vulnerable. I struggle looking inside because I’m scared at what I might find. I might find areas I need to change so I can be a better man. //These are subjects I love to talk about, plan to talk about in this new season.
For me, masculinity is defined by the ability to embrace vulnerability as a strength and not a weakness. #letstalkaboutthis #masculinity #vulnerability #vulnerabilityisstrength
if you’re a man who seeks wisdom relevant to men
tomorrow at 12pm PST to talk about sex....biological sex 😂😉
Have you ever heard the saying, "You're not responsible for anyone else's feelings"? I hear it a lot and it's a common sentiment in the self-help world.
It's one of those pieces of conventional wisdom that I really dislike and I'm pretty sure whoever came up with this cliché didn't understand intimacy in relationships.
People that shirk responsibility for their partners feelings are going to be very limited in how close they can get to someone. "Not being responsible for your partners feelings" will falsely empower you to feel very alone.
When people default to "I'm not responsible for your feelings!", it's usually a defensive & angry reaction. Not vulnerable or intimate at all.
Because with true intimacy, we realize that we can greatly impact how our partners feel, and out of a place of care and love we take ownership of that wonder how we may have impacted them.
This isn't being codependent. This is being relationally intelligent.
My wife and I got into an argument this weekend about something super trivial (aren't nearly all arguments?). She was really upset with me and I could have responded to her in two ways:
1. "I'm not responsible for your feelings". Or....
2. "I've realize I've done something to really hurt you.” Option 2 is the only way out. And intimacy in relationships can only function with Option 2.
The world will tell you, "you are not responsible for their feelings", but the world is a broken relational mess.
Of course we can be responsible. We greatly impact each other in close relationships.
We all have two options. We can stand our ground in a defensive posture and say "I'm not responsible", or we can open ourselves up to vulnerability and intimacy and say, "how did I impact you?” Think about how your partner feels right now and ask yourself what you can do different to help them. Intimacy demands us to ask this question.
Reposted from @theconsciouskid
- "Emotions are a human thing, not a gender thing. As the parent to a boy, it’s easy to fall into those gender traps, like “big boys don’t cry.” My son cries pretty easily, and it can definitely be trying, but I also know that it’s important to give him the space to have those feelings. Get down on their level, emotionally and physically. When my son cries, I’ll kneel down so I’m looking him in the eye and say something like, “I understand that you’re upset, how can I help?” Then do it. Getting them to take a few calming breaths helps, and sometimes, you just have to let them cry. By now, there’s enough scientific evidence (not to mention common sense) to tell us that these things are very important to raising healthy, well-rounded boys. If you love your son, stop trying to make him a tough guy, and give him the space to be a fully formed, emotionally secure person."
#gender #parenting #raisingkids #consciousparenting #intentionalparenting #masculinity #toxicmasculinity #motherhood #raisingboys #itsokaytocry
we know that not all men are like this, but the fact that there are some people who feel attacked by the ad says something about THEM. the ad was meant to not only empower women but to spread the message that harassment is disgusting and should be stop, and if u somehow feel personally attacked by the ad, then maybe u should evaluate why 🤷♀️ #gillette #feminism #toxicmasculinity #metoo #masculinity #women #womenempowerment #activism
Let’s just speak to two expressions or components fo healthy masculinity. Sure, there are many - presence, compassion, confidence, clarity, honesty, truth, openness, vulnerability, decisiveness, introspective, magnetic, robust, adaptability, expansive, singular and so much more.
But let’s discuss two that are vital to the honouring of our truth as healthy masculine embodied persons. Toughness and resilience. Simply defined toughness is our ability to move through challenge, fear and pain. Resilience is our ability t recover from these events.
Both require focus, diligence, self-belief, an ability to be alone, an ability to lean on others and single mindedness. Toughness and resilience is what allows us to expand in to greater versions of ourselves.
Pain and challenge for the most of us and for much of our lives will be a ‘normal’ part of our existence. Our ability to quickly move THROUGH these aspects of our lives determine the quality of the lives we live, the depth of our relationships and how we ultimately feel about ourselves.
Our self-worth and the way we SEE ourselves as men can be put down to how WILLING we are to traverse the at times drudgery of life. The more willing we are to persevere and continue, to not lay down and succumb to the pressure and to choose growth over weakness means we build the muscle of TRUST.
The more experience we have of overcoming suffering, the more confidence we build within ourselves. We then move through the world less hurt and don’t carry such a need to project our pains because as men we realise that we are self-reliant.
All of these virtues are interconnected and relate to each other. When we choose to practice resilience and stand in our strength we are setting ourselves up for success in all areas and expression of life. Begin with physical strength. Practice flexing this muscle. It is tangible and visceral.
We can relate to it with great efficacy and it lays a foundation for relating to pain in a healthy and more conscious way, whilst helping us dealing with emotional discomfort and spiritual angst with greater efficacy. Move and physically challenge the... READ MORE IN COMMENTS
This might be an overshare but im working on my "dont give a shit what people think" muscle.
The primary function of the mind is to direct the focus of attention. NOT THINKING.
Thinking and conceptualizing comes after that. Its not bad or wrong its just out of control most of the time for most of us.
The mind creates our reality out of that which we focus our attention on, we then get lost in that reality and forget how it came to be.
We created it... unconsciously.
So the mission is to re-connect to our ability to direct the focus of our attention.
Develop concentration, which is the act of sustained attention and collection of dispersed mind energy.
Then we place the mind upon the aliveness of the body, moving the attention around the body like an internal torch, using the breath to regulate and balance tension formations and to add energy. As we do this the way that we percieve the body shifts. The way we percieve pain/pleasure shifts. Our reactivity decreases as our presence and awareness increases. As practice developes we can come to a place of handing over the controls, releasing all sense of effort and trusting in the deep intelligence of life energy that got us this far.
With this comes a connection to something beyond the egocentric me me me BS.
Something far bigger than the ordinary sense of self.
Inspiration, spaciousness, enthusiasm, enjoyment, acceptance, awareness, love, consciousness. All synonymous with another word... GOD.
That my friends is what the mind is for.
Im not saying this as a look at me, look what i can do.
Im saying this as a look what YOU can do.
P.s If you asked me 2 years ago if i would have dropped the G-bomb I probably would have pulled a face and called you a fu@&*ng weirdo.
Thats cultural conditioning for ya.
Propper geezers from essex dont do yoga, health, meditation, emotions and definitely not spirituality. Its far more acceptable to get wasted, do as much coke and steroids as you can afford and judge everyone as queer that doesnt fit into that model.
That was MY corrupted view of reality anyways. I had a heavy past.
Life is different now. And i am so grateful.
“Are you brave enough to be vulnerable?” - @justinbaldoni @ted
Not something I ever talk about, but I grew up without my dad being much in my life. My story makes me no different from anyone else there are millions of people that grow up without one of their parents
In my case, I grew up surrounded by nothing but the women in my family. Emotions everywhere, probably why I like dealing with everyone’s feelings but not my own
The majority of the male interaction I had came through sports. Where we were taught to be strong, invincible, show no weakness; the typical jock stuff
An identity I fought with at times because even when I tried to play the role I couldn’t always fit the mold of how society stereotyped athletes
I wasn’t solely just an athlete; I always had a thing for media. I couldn’t be a player to save my life; tried but my heart couldn’t get into it lol. Never felt the need to be at every party
I’m sure there are plenty of athletes that felt the same way but felt they would be the only voice in the crowd
My goal is each day through @9inepoint
we can keep pushing the envelope to have these conversations so athletes especially male athletes know that being human and vulnerable doesn’t make you weak or any less of an athlete
S/O to @haleyhoffmansmith
for encouraging me to watch in the @next_gen_summit
#lockerroomtalk #athletelife #masculinity #9inepoint #authentic #embracethejourney #ownyourstory
Really excited to share a deep dive conversation I had with Anuj Rastogi on the @AwokenWordPodcast.
We talked about #masculinity
, race, men and shame, #empathy
and building bridges in an era of divides. 🙏🏽❤️ Love for you to listen over on iTunes, Spotify, Android, Stitcher or at AwokenWord.com. Stay warm!!
This photo is around 15 years old. I was 20. I was at University. I was playing football and staying fit. I had a girlfriend.I was in a band. I was dreaming of being a rock star or a movie star.
I was losing my hair. I was insecure. I suffered with severe ocd and anxiety (although I didn’t realise it then and hid it as much as I could). I was trying to fit it in and not get found out. I was lost without the positive male role models I longed for. I was full of self doubt and shame.
I can still hear the cry of my inner critic when I look at that picture... “You’re not good enough. You’re a cheat and a failure. You don’t deserve this. You’re disgusting. You’re ugly. Who’s going to want to love you?”
I never opened up to anyone about it through the fear of not been “man enough” to handle it. I suffered in silence throughout so much of it. -
I am thankfully able to notice and tune out the inner critic these days but that’s not to say it doesn’t start shouting sometimes. I am aware that the men’s work I am doing is helping me immensely on my journey.
I would like to share with you more about my experiences as a young adult and the things I have learned along the way in hope of possibly helping someone suffering with something similar.
I recognise and acknowledge the growth I have gone through since this picture was taken and I am committed to continue the discussion of conscious masculinity and mental health✌️💜 #human #humanbeing #humanbeingman #father #fatherhood #dad #dadsofinstagram #dadgram #dadsindarebin #connection #truth #honesty #goodmendoexist #mensmovement #manhood #masculinity #consciousmasculinity #compassion #empathy #love #inmylife #mentalhealth #mentalhealthawareness #10yearchallenge
When couples come into my office and tell me they are starting to fight more .. I (quietly) celebrate inside.
Because I know that they are starting to call out the more courageous parts of themselves.
The primal and non-intellectual parts.
Because I know that they are no longer able to hide their childhood wounds.
Because I know what is possible on the other side of that raw honesty when both partners are committed to doing the work.
When they are both willing to start reflecting on their own family patterns .. and the unique ways each of them is afraid of getting close.
They will learn that taking care of (self) and (other) does not have to happen separately.
That they can do both at the same time.
This takes time.
Especially if they have avoided conflict for much of their life.
Especially if they have not known the language to express their complex internal world.
Therapy helps navigate the inner self.
It helps put new language to the confusion.
If you are more (avoidant) in your attachment style .. this will mean engaging even when you feel uncomfortable.
But it also means that the discomfort will begin to soften the more you engage.
It makes a request from you to allow your partner to comfort you more .. as you are more used to comforting yourself.
If you are more (anxious) in your attachment style .. this will mean learning to occasionally take some focus off of yourself and be more mindful of your partners needs.
That focus on your partner can simultaneously help to soothe you as well.
If you are more (secure) in your attachment style .. this will mean learning how to stay secure while your partner learns so much from your example.
You get to witness that miracle.
It is no longer a (you vs. me) conversation .. it is an (us) one.
Google had to rethink the word 'family' in March 2017 when staff complained, it has been revealed.
Employees at California HQ said the term was 'offensive, inappropriate, homophobic, and wrong' when used in a presentation about a children's product.
Approximately 100 people seemed to agree with an internal thread from someone who stormed out of the offending meeting two years ago.
The person said the word 'family' is not equal to having children and Google should stop the use of it in that context. Various employees said they referred to animals, spouses, boyfriends, parents and multiple trans-feminine partners as their family.
It was also said not all children have families so the words aren't interchangeableVP Pavni Diwanji told staff to be more conscientious about referring to family
Google. A company that sees the term "family" as offensive.
No one ever mentions the flip side of #masculinity
people talk all day about toxic masculinity but surely if toxic masculinity exist, what about toxic femininity 🤔?
I didn’t experience things like this myself growing up so I’ve always had a soft spot for guys who do things like this with their daughters, blood or not... or just with kids in general... It’s even better when they are big, tatted, and/or muscular and they let down their tough guy appearance. I mean, look at this dude’s hat and how he’s dressed and sitting... and his face in the last picture 😂
Pleased to introduce William Maglino, who'll be leading Emotional Labor, Support and Allyship @phinneyneighborhoodassociation
this Sunday during the Womxn's March Day of Action. .
William Miglino is a Washington native and has spent the majority of his adult life as a professional ballet dancer and instructor. Projects that he has been involved in include the SOAR program of Ballet Chicago, a program working specifically with children in foster care to offer city-funded extracurriculars, and Chicago High School for the Arts, a powerful and compelling college prep school that has an emphasis on the arts (chiarts.org). .
He spent the last 5 years on faculty at Pacific Northwest Ballet and taught for their DanceChance program (pnb.org). The program serves schools whose majority (50%+) of students qualify for free/reduced lunch. Nearly 75% of the students are students of color. The DanceChance program, which partners with 23 Seattle public schools, is part of PNB's mission to "build a School and Company that reflect the diversity of the community by providing access and opportunity to talented students."
William spent 7 years studying and facilitating Family Systemic Constellations, a healing modality that serves to see, express, and shift relationship dynamics within a system. The experience of intersectionality is investigated within the dynamics that we uphold in our family and systemic relationships. Most recently, William founded The Empowered Man Project, a project that offers a platform for communication, investigation, and committed action toward redefining masculinity and the ways that men show up in the world.
William will lead the workshop at PNA from 3:30 - 4:00 pm.
#womensmarchSEA @womensmarchsea #womxnsmarchSEA #womxnsmarch #healing #justice #buildingpower #inclusivity #support #allyship #emotionallabor #masculinity #WilliamMiglino #TheEmpoweredManProject