I am running. I am running away from my feelings, my heartache, my emotions. I am running away from the uncomfortable.
The words cross my path, "you are so strong." "I admire your vulnerability." "Your strength inspires me." Friends, I am here to tell you, that I am not strong. For the past 3 years, I have immersed myself in adventure, in experiences, in travel, in the unconventional. I immersed myself not out of strength to try new things and chase my dreams but out of weakness. I am running.
The more I focused on being a better mountain biker meant there was less time to deal with my sadness. The more time I spent back country skiing meant there was less time to cry. The more time I spent guiding the rivers meant there was less time to think about how alone I am.
It is true that my running is expanding my world and I am gathering many a new story along the way but at the end of the day, I bow my head, tears kissing my cheeks for I have outrun nothing.
It is time that I stop running, stop distracting myself from the pain. It is time to find actual strength in that pain and truly shine. From this day forward, I will actually be taking the time to work on myself and grow from my past experiences. I will no longer run.
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