DORITOS CRACKERS CHEESE SUPREME
Sit back and let me tell you a tale of how I wound up in the emergency room last Sunday night.
It was a typical Sunday. The sun was shining, the birds were singing and Dave and Dazza were over to have a few frothy bois and watch the footy. Now - a solid sesh on the frothies is never complete without some sort of a snack - so into the kitchen I ventured. "Darl, where's the Shapes!?" I asked, in what was more of a mumble than actual English words. "We don't have any Shapes, remember? We only have those Doritos Crackers that you bought the other day, and for the love of God, can you tell Dave to get his disgusting feet off of the dinner table!?" She definitely wasn't a huge fan of me mate Davo, but she was right - that guys feet are fucked.
Anyways, in my current state I was having a bit of difficulty locating those Dorito Crackers, so I kindly asked my wife of their approximate whereabouts....which came out more like "Babe! Babe!!! Where them crackers at!?" "God help me" she replied. "You're looking right at them, and PLEASE can you tell Darren to stop dropping his guts all the time, he's sitting right next to my mother for Christ's sake!" She definitely wasn't a huge fan of me mate Dazza, but she was right - that guys ass is fucked.
Anyways, I found the stupid crackers. Poured them into a bowl (mostly on the floor) and grabbed myself a massive handful. And that's when everything went downhill, because as I shoved that massive handful into my gob, several of those crackers became lodged in the roof of my mouth causing immense pain and bleeding. Dave and Dazza thought it was the funniest thing they'd ever seen, but what would they know? One of them has the feet of a fucking goblin and the other's ass smells like an old bucket of cheese.
Anyways, the taste of the crackers was ok. Very similar to the Doritos chips, but maybe not quite as strong in flavour. Nowhere near as good as Arnott's Shapes, and definitely not worth the 17 stitches in my mouth.
So the moral of the story is: a triangle is a TERRIBLE shape for a cracker. Also - I don't know - maybe don't eat like a disgusting fucking pig I guess.