Nice for what?
I used to feel a lot of pressure to be “nice.” To laugh at jokes I didn’t find funny. To smile at people that I didn’t like. To make excuses for other people’s bad behavior. As women, we’re socialized to be “nice” and to put other people’s whims ahead of our own well being. ❌
And I’m done with it. I’m breaking the habit of saying “sorry” to people who bump into me. I’m breaking the habit of laughing nervously when someone makes me uncomfortable. I’m breaking the habit of smiling in response to strange men on the street who tell me to smile. (Side note to men who do that: you’re not being “nice” when you do this. 🙄 At best, you’re being controlling. Newsflash: women don’t owe you anything. We don’t owe you our smiles, our attention, our affection, our bodies or our time. If you want to “make someone smile” try doing something nice for them instead of telling them to fake an emotion they clearly are not feeling. 😤 Also, ask yourself: when was the last time you told another man to smile? If the answer is never—and it probably is—ask yourself why you believe that it’s necessary or appropriate or “nice” for you to police the appearance, expression or presence of women?)
Bottom line: I’m rethinking my relationship with “nice.” I would rather express myself authentically than shrink my voice, my needs, my personality, my reality to be “nice” to anyone else. I would rather be kind by design than be nice by default. #niceforwhat