This boy... he’s ONE. How did that happen?! As I was going to bed last night I was thinking how a year ago, I went to sleep thinking tomorrow would be another day. And it was. But one filled with a new life. Scary and wonderful and so many feels. A day where we could have lost him. I can’t tell you how many times I have feared for his life. There was nothing wrong with him after birth, yet fear of the unknown was paralyzing. With Phoebe, I never feared. God gave me a promise for her and with that came peace of her being unscathed from prematurity. I did not get the same promise with Colton. Everyday I left him in the hospital holding him, praying it wasn’t the last. Leaving him each day felt like I was leaving him forever. I kept praying for a promise, a verse, a word. Something to hold onto. The only thing God gave me was today. To take each day as it came. He gave me the strength for that. I ended up with a board for a star representing each day he was in the NICU. Each day he was alive. I came to look forward to placing those each day. I didn’t have the promise of tomorrows but I had the gift of today. My life has not gone the way I planned. But God... he’s blessed, protected or given me enough. And on those days where it felt like not enough, I get to praise Him for he is still good. And be reminded that my prayers never go unheard. I may not see today what I prayed for. But my deepest desires did not fall on deaf ears. So a year out from a super emotional time, here is the good.
During pregnancy, I was filled such anger and frustration. I began to pray against this for Colton. Colton is one of the happiest babies I have ever met. His smile and joy lights up a room. Thank you God.
I prayed in angst for his survival. Through brith, the NICU and to make ONE. Today, he is one. Thank you God.
for the emotional first birthday post. Mostly I’m grateful I don’t have to live life without my savior and king. And so grateful for my little boy.