#fbf#flashbackfriday#takeitback#rewind back to when #Xanti was tiny & I spoke in such a high pitch voice that most dogs would shudder! 😂😂 why do we talk to babies like this?! 😂 anyway I used to send family and Pete videos of xanti through the day, so they didn’t miss anything! He couldn’t hear me but we’ve never stopped talking to him, it’s so important to carry on talking, when you’re told you’re child is #deaf it can be daunting, wondering how you will communicate with your baby, we didn’t have any help re communication at this stage-we were very much left to our own devices & it was scary as hell.
We used the internet ALOT taught ourselves basic signs and tried to incorporate them into everyday life. We used our facial expressions to the max! and most of the time we would forget that he couldn’t hear as he was so responsive.
Such a little treasure! Miss him this young, he was soooo much easier 😂😂
The irony is not lost. Though I'm basically ignoring everyone right now. The only thing I'm communicating with is my snapchat and Instagram. Not even sad or angry now. Just flat. So unbelievably fucking flat. Sitting in a dark quiet room with no lights or tv even on and wondering what the point to all of this is. Wondering why I continue to strive to be better when its never going to be enough. Wondering why I don't just go and get a bottle of vodka right now. Though that would actually take effort and I don't even have enough of that to turn my tv on. I can feel myself sinking. And yet am doing absolutely nothing to try and stop it. I think I'd rather just sink right now. You can't feel alone or rejected or not good enough when you're the one consciously shutting everyone and everything out. I post on my good, bad and in between days. This is clearly not a very good day 😥 #flat#feelingflat#numb#overit#depressed#doingwhatidobest#pushingpeopleaway#bipolar#bpd#justwanttofeelbetter#sinking#ignoringeveryone#feelingrejected#feelingalone 😔 #alone#darkroom#nosound#justthevoicesinmyhead