lunch pt 2 : protein things (~300)
Did my usual thing of going to several shops/cafes looking at various items and then being a coward and having what i always have instead. At least it took 30 mins vs the full hour. Feel nervous and want the working day to end but there’s still so much to do and i’m so fucking tired.
Hey, ich dacht ich meld mich mal mit ein paar positiven Nachrichten wieder.💌 Ich hatte gestern und heute ein tolles Gespräch mit meiner Sozialpädagogin. Es geht voran!🤜 Und das merke ich daran, weil kein Druck auf mich ausgeübt wird. Man kann niemanden zwingen. Und heute hat mir die ES wieder bewiesen, wie beschissen sie ist. Ich bin heute in der Schule zusammen geklappt mit Herzrasen, Übelkeit und Schwindel..🤢 Nächste Woche Montag kann ich erst das Zentrum für ES erreichen und wir sind auch schon nach der Suche nach einer Klinik für Essstörungen.☝️ Haben schon eine in Aussicht und zwar die Schön Klinik, die nehmen nämlich auch bewusst gerne Vegane Patienten an und das wäre was für mich!👍 Denn viele Kliniken bieten dies einfach nicht an bzw eher dann nur Vegetarisch. Um die Ausbildung muss ich mir GOTT SEI DANK keine Sorgen machen!👍 Die kann ich weiter machen bzw verlängern. Und das stellt kein Problem dar, mentale Gesundheit an 1. Stelle!!💛 Dann macht es erst Sinn und man hat Ziele und verspürt endlich mal wieder Freude, Lust, Interesse und man holt mehr aus sich raus, wenn man mit sich im reinen ist!💪Dazu gehört eben emotional STABIL sein, Selbstvertrauen, Bewusstsein und Selbstliebe.🌹 Wie ich weiter voran gehen werde ist mit kleinen Schritten und Zielen, dann ist die Enttäuschung nicht groß.🍃
Just a little update before I head off to sleep. 😴 I had a really awesome day. I got to spend the whole day and night with my boyfriend. We went to the Royal Melbourne show. He even won a big pink puppy teddy bear who I have named 'Daisy.' 🐶💖🌻 My moods been a bit all over the place. I'm feeling tired as per usual lol. Tomorrow I have a assessment for PTSD therapy. I'm nervous to see how it all goes. I can already tell it's going to be a triggering session. 😵 Goodnight. Saint Charlotte†. ✨
(sorry for the bad photo loads of people were in the room!) lunch was my favourite lunch- lunchable! and some raspberries and an unpictured fibre one chocolate brownie. i'm off school as i didn't feel well, but i feel better now. later i'm going to bake red velet cupcakes and i'm gonna have one! 🤗i hope you have a lovely day xx
Call us today. We are ready to help you on your journey to a thriving life in sobriety. #WeDoRecover
Looks like shortly I’ll be sent home. They did nothing actually except a few ECG’s. The staff were lovely, a bit of a pain though to have to miss the afternoon of uni and then spend an extra 5 hours in Ipswich Hospital for nothing physically to be done. Hopefully back to Res School in the morning..
oh well, so much happened during the past days and sadly nothing positive at all 😞 i've got therapy this afternoon where i have to tell her about the latest mistakes i made and there's no doubt that she'll be really disappointed again or maybe just angry like it happened the last time (and i don't know which is worse to be honest ?) 😞 on top of that i couldn't even bring myself - or anyone else - to do the homework she gave us so that's obviously not helpful as well 🙃 i honestly can't explain why i'm so bad at managing life at the moment, it just seems like everythings crashing down on me without a real reason behind ? there's nothing but chaos everywhere which i simply cannot fix fast enough anymore and it hurts every minute to look at all the broken pieces 🌑 anyways, every bad day will pass eventually, they always do and despite it all giving up is still no option ✨
Today has happened not quite as I expected. By lunch time I was having heart palpitations and my heart rate sitting down was 160bpm. Over the course of the afternoon my whole body was trembling to the point of not really being able to walk, I was struggling to breathe, feeling lightheaded and dizzy etc. Was wheeled to the GP on Campus and then transferred to the hospital for recommended IV fluids and checking electrolytes etc.
Hoping to be at uni again in the morning..
Having cookies and desserts in the house is so hard cause I constantly snack on them and end up eating probably at least 3 servings cause I’m too scared to sit down and have a proper portion and it backfires and I end up feeling more guilty
It’s time again for.....
🚨Drop Your Diagnosis!🚨 62year old healthy female, never smoker, no past medical history, presents with persistent cough with watery sputum for 1 month. She is otherwise asymptomatic without fevers, weight loss, history of exposures. No family history of lung disease or cancer. CXR reveals multi focal modules and CT chest was performed. 👈🏻Results are here 👈🏻 What is the most likely diagnosis and what would be a confirmatory test? 🚨Drop your diagnosis below🚨👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
That first session of today was such a breath of fresh air for me. I came into it aware of my vulnerabilities and what I perceived my faults to be and came away from it feeling so refreshed and grounded and encouraged. We went around our groups giving feedback and some that I received were that I retain more information and more theory than anyone they know, and that my energy and passion and personality is so bright and inviting and shines so brightly and that when and while I do what I love I have so much potential. I’m so encouraged ☺️
Where do I even begin?
Thursday, my sister was admitted into the ER then to the pediatric floor. Her oxygen levels were dangerously low due to congestion in her lungs/respiratory infection along with asthma (newly diagnosed). I don’t even want to imagine what would have happened if my dad hadn’t brought her in. She discharged from the hospital Sunday afternoon. She’s currently taking 6 puffs from her inhaler every 4 hours (even through the night). For those who know anything about asthma, that’s a lot! It’s normally only 2 puffs as needed.
As for me, this has all been really hard, I’m not going to lie. Being in the hospital, but not as the patient, was a change. I’m just extremely grateful Ella is okay, or at least getting there. Stress has been overwhelming though. I can’t seem to get out of my head. Worrying about my sisters health, along with work, school, and everything in between. It’s tiring.
I’ll probably update more later on when I have time. Thank you all for the kind messages, thoughts, and prayers. ❤️ ~S
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This week is long and it’s stretching me so much. I’m loving Res school at uni, it’s really hard to slow down though. 15 hour days between when I get up and when I get home, and most of that is spent sedentary- sitting down. For me that adds a whole new level of struggle. For me that adds to the food restriction and laxative abuse because I’m not walking like I’m used to. I’m getting new bruises every day and my body is starting to feel the effects of what I’m putting it through. This with Saturday’s episode of my body trembling to the point of not being able to stand up and feeling lightheaded, I’m just trying to keep it powering though. I’m actually bringing playdough to uni today because continuing to not give in to self harm urges is getting more difficult. I’m just trying to do my best here, and hoping it’s enough to pull me through this week..
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A simple and practical introduction to S&C principles in Rehabilitation. "INTEGRATION OF STRENGTH AND CONDITIONING PRINCIPLES INTO A REHABILITATION PROGRAM"
No one can make you happy until your happy with yourself first. 🌻
Ab einem gewissen Punkt sollte man einfach anfangen sich selbst so zu akzeptieren wie man ist. Man wird sich egal wie sehr man es versucht sowieso nicht ändern können und je mehr man sich darüber aufregt desto mehr arbeitet man gegen sich selbst und desto unglücklicher wird man. Akzeptieren heißt nicht, dass man nie mehr zu einem späteren Zeitpunkt etwas ändern kann, aber man sollte in der Gegenwart einfach mal mit dem zufrieden sein was man hat.
A paradigm we could build on “.. a resilience paradigm shifts the outcomes to pursue in pain research and intervention and argue the need for including positive outcomes in addition to negative outcomes.
Psychological flexibility, positive affect and basic psychological needs satisfaction are described as potentially important resilience mechanisms with the potential to target both sustainability and recovery from pain.
A resilience approach to chronic pain may have important implications for the prevention and treatment of chronic pain problems, as it may give specific indications on how to empower patients to continue living a fulfilling life (in the presence of pain).
~ Panic attack aftermath - real and raw ~
I can’t believe I’m writing this, it’s truly not how I thought this day would go at all. So right now I should be getting ready to board a plane to London but instead I’m in my room pulling myself together (while trying to at least). To say I’ve had a tough afternoon would be the biggest understatement. I’ve never experienced a panic attack like the one I had today. It truly was horrific. I let everything build up and wow it all came crashing down - worries about traveling on my own, eating, taking care of myself, being in a group of strangers. It all hit me like a ton of bricks and I couldn’t handle it. I spent hours in tears struggling to get a breath. Rang my poor mum and dad in a panic. My poor roommate had to console me as best she could. In the end I decided that for my mental and physical well being it was best if I didn’t go. I feel awful as my family paid for the flights/transport etc. But I just know if I went I wouldn’t have ate for over 24 hours and I just can’t afford to go backwards. Things are still tough and this week hasn’t been easy - new apartment/going back to uni is HUGE and already overwhelming. As heart broken as I am to not be heading to my dream interview I know deep down this is the right decision. I’m feeling incredible guilty and awful for not being able to just go but the truth is I wouldn’t cope. I still can’t even buy food from uni so how am I meant to move to America for 3 months on my own???? It’s just not the right time. I need to get myself into a better place and focus on the here and now.
It’s okay to say “no.”
Don’t let negative or anxiety-inducing things drag you down. You can’t and don’t have to please everyone.
Focus on your self-care and do you!! 👍
❌ TRIGGER WARNING ❌
Today has been really hard. I thought about suicide and how I would do it. I'm really scared I'm going to relapse. This how I feel about myself and I'm not posting any of this for attention. I hate the way I look. I am disgusted by my face and how "fat" I look. I couldn't work on my music because I think it's shit. I listen to other rappers and musicians and I just think about how crap I am compared to them.
So yeah I'm not going to go on but right now my mindset is just like. "Why do I even try. I should just give up." Im sorry to be so negative. I'm just trying to be honest and keeping it real with you all. 💯
(This photo isn't from today.)
We are out here supporting the Substance Use Prevention Coalition Of Collin County today. #WeDoRecover
Appt done! #outpatientrecovery
update : new nurse was lovely and we really clicked. i was in a far better place to discuss my issues than last time i saw my liaison, and i could hear myself expressing pro-recovery attitudes and genuinely believing them, which in a way was surreal and odd haha. It was quite emotionally draining and I started off a bit cagey and upset/seeking reassurances re my weight, but it helped that we had already chatted on the phone beforehand and the appt had a good mix of fluidity and already-agreed bullet point structure. I have maintained my bmi despite eating a bit more and binge drinking a bit less. We made a goal for me which is gonna be to increase (!!!!!!) my daily calories by 200, so that’s about 1900 a day average. Nurse said it sounds like i’m eating minimum to cope w hunger but also the amounts r small enough to keep the ED pacified. It’s spot on - im afraid if I piss it off it will come for me, in a sense... Gonna keep trying to beat the alcohol abuse too. The goal rn is to show me I can eat and not balloon 🎈 while working to get my life back very gradually w their support.
Call us today. We are ready to help you on your journey to a thriving life in sobriety. 1-888-DFW-ARISE. #WeDoRecover