My first little something-something I wrote yesterday. Raw. Real. Me.
P.S - today was a better day. But I still didn't figure it out. Maybe tomorrow. 🌻
I feel like there is so much pressure for me to live a certain way, do certain things and even look a particular way. I have my Diploma of Sport, so I should be, if nothing else, a really successful Personal Trainer, right? So along with that, I should also be thin, fit and “perfect”, like all of the Instagram fitness celebs. But the issue is, is that I have endured various ‘trauma’ throughout my past. I have a past, and because of things out of my control that have influenced me greatly as a child, I now suffer the consequences. I regret little, as I wholeheartedly believe that everything happens for a reason. But, nonetheless, it sucks, and I’m at a point in my life where I am trying to remove everything toxic inside of me that affects me negatively. In order to do this, I’ve discovered that there are other things that get neglected in order for me to survive. Right now, that seems to be my physical body. For me to repair my spiritual body, I’m discovering that something else has gotta give… and something, of all things, that also controls so much of who I might be on a day to day basis. Society has ruined me. I grew up watching a beautiful woman belittle herself and I’ve taken on those same exact qualities. And now that I’m eating my emotions, the ugly, self-esteem eating monster has reared its ugly head, again.
I’m really exhausted. I feel like this is a never-ending battle. I begin to feel wonderful, exercise, fuel my body well, and then something comes along and the bridge to something better – to hope, happiness, brightness - crashes and burns. The worst part is, is I think it’s usually the demons of my past that start the fire. I’m not entirely sure what to do anymore. Today’s a shit day. I don’t know who or what to believe in, today. Maybe tomorrow I’ll figure it out. But for now, I will do my best to tidy the house, keep my babies alive and prevent as many tantrums and arguments as possible.
Basically, here it is in a nutshell.
My name is Paige. I love Christmas. I love my kids (probably should have put that first... Oops 🤔). I love, love. I'm a qualified personal trainer, but I haven't trained a whole lot lately, myself or clients. I'm a little wacky. I like to smile in photos.. Except this one. My children's father is my partner in crime and we balance eachother out perfectly. He's pretty awesome. He knocked me up at 16... That was pretty awesome, too. I'm now almost 22, but I often feel about 30. We had to grow up really quick and we've been through the wringer and back. I visited a psychic a couple months ago and she said we've been through the worst and that this year will be great for us financially, so I'll let you know how that goes. We also have a furbaby, he's pretty special. He'll undoubtedly present himself in some photos at some point. We call him Eko. We live in Melbourne, Victoria and it's not so bad. I'm basically a stay at home mum who's terrified of corrupting her children; or worse yet, society destroying their innocence earlier than I hope for. I love nature, manners, makeup, gentle people, incense, uniqueness, positive vibes, natural alternatives, angel cards and a clean house.
I'm a bit of a mess, but I'm working on it.
Welcome to my journey. I'm rather ordinary and am just trying to figure it all out and find my place in the world. I hope you enjoy the ride!