I'll be honest, relationship are what gives me the most anxiety.
From partners to friends... i had a deep fear of being abandoned. (Still do but working on it)
I kept emotionally/psychologically abusive people in my life. I gave them my all. I used to completely get lost into that relationship. Literally did everything for them. It was my world, the only thing existing and I took it to extremes measures when I lost someone... I thought if they could see how bad I was doing without them, they would come back to me... false.
I thought if I was struggling, they would have to help me, or else they would feel bad...false.
I was SURE that if they didn't like me as much as I did, it meant I should try harder and prove how worthy I was. That they would keep me around after all...false.
I played games trying to seduce them, I would test them to make sure they were "good people" but even if they didn't "pass" I could keep them around...
I thought if it was hard and difficult and it hurted, it just meant I was doing something right cuz fairytales always have monsters to face right?...false
That's what I learned with time. You can't play games in relationships. You can't manipulate your way into their heart. You can't test people... You NEVER have to prove your worth with the right person. Love DOESN'T hurt and is ACTUALLY QUITE EASY. Yes there's misunderstanding and arguments but your partner/friend is on your team, NOT the OTHER SIDE.
My biggest lesson was, if I have bad anxiety with certain people it's usually my gut feeling telling me to GET OUT, that I felt STUCK.
There's a fear of not finding someone who will love you as much. But that fear disappear when you LOVE YOURSELF FIRST.
Pick and choose your people, we're billions on this earth, make sure you're surrounded by the ones who empowers and inspires you. 📸 @collectivephoto
#relationship #friendship #abusiverelationship #bpd #loveyourself #knowyourworth #dontsettle #choosewisely #selflove #selfesteem