The truth I can express is that of my own nature. One where words don’t always make sense. It’s a feeling I get in my bones. I move into the water, I put mud on my face, and somehow it feels more familiar than anything else. I wrestle with the expectations and beliefs I have...’you should do this, and like this, and in this time frame’...but actually...
This is what I love and this who I am.
What else really matters?
Whose life are you living and according to what “plan?” Expressing my own truth has felt scary at times.
I have doubted it, dulled it, moulded it, put it into beautiful frames and kept the candles lit around them. Because of the fear of not being enough, failing, not meeting expectations and being rejected. Someone asked me recently, what advice I give someone in their second year; I felt dawned by the question. “Don’t fuck this up Amy.” But also “Fuck what you think the true right kind of advice should be.” I said “Don’t be afraid of saying no, when it is saying yes to something that really matters to you. When it could change the course and path you’re on and be more aligned to your heart. At the end of the day you’re the only one living and being in your life. And you would be a fool to live it for anyone else...”
I was saying this to myself. As currently what I am letting go of is this need to please people. To live by an expectation or belief I’ve created or taken on that isn’t entirely me. I’ve always lived and loved for myself. I’ve taken spontaneous actions because my heart said GO. Sometimes I get swayed off my path and I fall off the wagon pretty hard. And that too is part of my path. And I’ve realized that sometimes it’s because I’m doing it to please someone, or I’m doing it because it feels right ~ and falling at that moment is exactly what I need. This year I’ve fallen many times. And I take full accountability for my choices and actions. I’ve enjoyed the falls...in hindsight. There are no regrets. Because it leads me closer to my true nature. Where water and mud grace my skin, and nothing else matters because the journey to the river bank was worth it. #saltofftheearth #watermermaid #musings #riverrat #wild