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I had a really great conversation with an old friend last night. We were talking about anxiety and how when we are in the moment of losing our shit sometimes how difficult it can be to let go and let God in that moment. What I’ve noticed over the last 17 years while being a full time mom is that patience do thin sometimes…
The only way to be able to handle the pressures of our children and our lives and being a good mom and feeling like a good mom are with Jesus.
It wasn’t always this easy for me. I used to flip OUTTTTTT. To be honest, I’m very grateful both myself and my daughter are alive today to tell about any of it because I used to get triggered to the point of almost no turning back. But there was always that split second I would have to make a decision… Are you going to do something you will regret forever in the moment of rage or are you going to step outside of yourself and be better today? Most of the times I would be able to step outside of myself in that moment and release. I never really knew at that time who I was releasing to - I just know that I was able to control my rage. Back then - It was the Xanax and alcohol that helped me control myself… Not that that’s the recommended thing to do because it truly does so much more harm than good.
Now, times have changed a whole lot. I’m able to stop myself before getting anywhere near that point. And- I do it completely sober. -
How I did it ? Well, I did it by in that exact moment - stopping myself and getting on my knees and giving it to God. Asking him to release it from me. Please Lord Jesus, please take this from me in an exchange for love. I would pray about it and every time that bubbling rage would come, I would release it. I would also release it in my breath at times. I would breathe deep for a count of 4 and inhale in with the peace and exhale out with the pain . And again In with the peace and out with the rage. And again- in with the peace and out with the rage. And after a few times, counting 4 seconds in and 4 seconds out I would be ok.
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