Lately I have been struggling with severe depression. A type of depression that I experienced after my father and sister passed away. A type of depression that came when I moved back to the States after so long abroad. A type of depression that, for me, comes and goes with big life changes/traumas. A type that takes hold and refuses to loosen its grip regardless of how much you move and shake and run. So then, at some point, you just are paralyzed...not by fear or laziness or a lack of desire to try, but by the grip that just will not loosen regardless of your attempts to be free. At this point you are simply tired and your tank is empty. With a tank that is at a deficit it is easy to become irritable, to think toxic thoughts, and to just.be.sad regardless of how much you love, are loved, and appreciate/are appreciated.
As much as I am quite depressed there are a multitude of moments, people, opportunities, experiences, and things for which I am genuinely grateful. I try not to get too stuck in the daily stresses that come, I acknowledge the things for which I am grateful each day, and I try to make time for things that refuel my tank.
Some people say depression is a sign of a lack of gratitude and then it seems at odds to feel so depressed yet so grateful at the same time. The human mind wonders which one is false and because depression has such a powerful grip it seems like your gratitude is not genuine. But that is not true.
It IS possible to be going through a challenging time, to experience imbalances, to grieve, mourn, feel down in the dumps, to feel paralyzed by depression AND be a grateful human being who is WORTHY of the time, understanding, and fuel it takes to fill your tank again. Be kind to yourself friends and surround yourself with people who will be kind too. ♡M. (Today I am grateful for friends who reach out to check in and friends who understand postponing plans because I needed to sit in a chair in a lobby soaking up some sun.) #sundaysun #selfcare #reflections #depressionsucks #gratitude #grateful #soakingupthesun #sunsponge #lifelessons #thoughts #faith #appreciation #truth #sundayreflections #truefriendship #friends #motivation #inspire