A text to a friend. How many of you have walked away from an interaction with a man feeling this way?
I wasn’t lonely or looking for company. I was enjoying my meal on the outside patio. You invited yourself. I was polite. You found a way to weave conversation about your dick into “getting to know me.” You found it frustrating when I wasn’t interested. I could tell because you gave it a couple of tries before switching up the strategy. You walked away and came back with a brownie. I ate it. Not because I wanted it, but because it was the quickest way to exit. I thanked you. Not because I was sincere, but because it was the safest option. When I left, you made a comment about “returning the favor.” You were offended. I could tell. I’m sorry you relate to women in this way. I’m sorry you treat your relationships with them as transactions. It must be exhausting. Please don’t ever mistake my pity as anything other than that, though. Women don’t owe you shit.
Congrats bro, you’re today’s #FuckBoyOfTheDay
And also - apparently #PoundMeToo
is a thing - and the hashtag is just as horrifyingly pompous, US centric and and grim as it sounds. 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️
Not here for celebrating abusers or oppressors in any way.
Stoked about the last pic tho 👌🏽
A beautiful excerpt from @lisagungor
‘s poem “Moment One”. How we interact and speak to younger generations is pivotal in shaping our culture to be the inclusive and equatable one that we want it to be.
Telling young girls that they are more than their bodies and reminding boys that expressing love and emotion is the healthiest form of masculinity are the first steps in achieving a brighter looking future.
How will/have you talked to younger generations about the traditional gender roles our culture puts people into?
What’s that smell? Peppermint? Toxic masculinity? Probably! But also a piping hot new episode ready for consumption. Check it out on @acaststories
or wherever you digest pods.
Although Americans’ attitudes toward sexual harassment are changing, it’s still a worldwide problem. Tomorrow we’ll share an essay by junior Rachel Roberts about her experiences in France and how her study abroad trip taught her that “toxic masculinity” knows no borders. | graphic by Julia Nall
You know that between-seasons feeling that sometimes takes over your whole self, like something’s ending even if you don’t know what it is yet?
Sometimes I can’t tell if I’m mourning who we used to be or who we won’t become.
The Masculine nature to Provide, Protect, and Procreate lead to loads of healthy and beneficial traits; competitiveness, strength, resilience, directed aggression (yes), and determination, among many others.
👉🏼 Note - this is not saying these are male exclusive traits, but they are by nature, more Masculine in order to Provide, Protect, Procreate for Survival 👈🏼
Where things get labelled as ‘Toxic’ is where these 3 natural P’s get applied in shitty ways in modern society - usually to hide insecurities and/or win adoration and respect externally.
If you take these things and focus them inwards, if you ask yourself:
- “How can I apply myself to these and these to myself in a way that benefits me and those people in my immediate sphere of influence?” - you will start to see how beneficial Masculinity is.
But if you shame some of the very things that allow us to look after others, provide for our families, and create and raise the next generation - you will never find a place that fits.
And everyone loses. Things get worse, not better.
Better directed masculinity is what we need. Not erased masculinity.
Just gesehen! #dergoldenehandschuh
! Das Buch war besser, aber der Film nicht unbedingt schlechter - es ginge sicherlich noch deeper in Sachen Nachkriegstristesse, abwegiges Zeitkolorit und Kaltschnäuzigkeit. Als effektive Genre-Rundung geht's auf jeden Fall ordentlich beklemmend zur Sache - fraglich, wann ein deutscher Mainstreamtitel das letzte Mal so fies und keimig war, Akins typische dramaturgische Mängel und Stilblüten mit eingeschlossen, weil im trostlosen Voyeurismus irgendwo sehr gut aufgehoben, voll in der #toxicmasculinity
It is easy to do the right thing when someone else is watching. When the doors are closed and we are alone, that is when we are able to show ourselves who we really are. Let's all be bold and "righteous" when the only reward is knowing that we just confirmed our inherent goodness inside of ourselves.
Women are essential in serving as an equal partner in their marriage, and as such are equally responsible for the play, protection, and financial, emotional, spiritual, and mental well-being of their families. Similarly, men should play an equal part in the raising and nurturing of children.
🗣 Optimal healthy marriage relationships are achieved through equal partnership.
A couple of weeks ago on Instagram I read a post, and I’m paraphrasing because I stupidly didn’t save it (shout if it was yours!!), which said how important it is to walk down a busy street and not expect to duck and dive out of the way of the men barrelling towards you.
Reading that was a little bit of a revelation to me. I realised that making myself smaller to make way for men (even as a proud card-carrying feminist) is something I was doing on the regular, both physically and metaphorically. And god, that’s really not something I should be doing, is it?
These last few months have been turbulent but lots of good things have come of the difficulties, my rock-hard and immoveable boundaries being one of the most important. I have come to realise that none of us - seriously, NONE of us - should minimise ourselves in order for someone else to feel their maximum, and that includes when we’re doing something as literal as walking down a street or through a train station.
I consciously put this into practice this week when I was in London for work, and let me tell you it was a bloody liberating and uplifting experience to walk down the street a little bit taller, taking up the space I now know I deserve. I’ve written more on this in a very interestingly titled blog post “Your Blue Balls Are Not My Problem”, link’s in the profile 🔵🔵🙋🏻♀️
#feminism #toxicmasculinity #blueballs #maximisewithoutminimising
"Shame is a difficult thing. People certainly try to shame me for being fat. When I am walking down the street men lean put of their car windows and share vulgar things at me about my body, hoe they see it, and how it upsets them that I am not catering to their gaze and their preferences and desires. I try not to take these men seriously because what they're really saying is, 'I am not attracted to you, I do not want to fuck you, and this confuses my understanding of masculinity, entitlement, and place in this world.' It is not my job to please them with my body."
I'll be reviewing Hunger this Sunday. Join my Patreon page! LINK IN BIO
#hunger #roxanegay #nonfiction #memoir #blackbooks #bookworms #wellreadblackgirl #bodyimage #toxicmasculinity #fat #blackreaders #blackwriters
Living in the moment seems like a simple concept, what could be easier than just being here, now?
In practice it can actually be extremely difficult. There are so many distractions that can easily take us away from being in the present moment- phones, social media, news, sports, work, projects, drinking, TV, movies, friends, lovers etc etc. The constant chatter of the mind also relentlessly re-runs the past and projects into the future, and this stands in the way of us and experiencing the present moment, just as it is.
Of course, we also employ these things to purposefully avoid facing challenges in our lives.
Holding back is also something that we learn from a young age as we are conditioned to control our impulses, our emotions and our truth in order to fit in. 'Don't give all your love to someone, you might get hurt' 'Hold back or you will be just used by everyone'
These protect us from feeling pain, but there is no pleasure without the ability to also feel pain. Being open does not judge which emotions are allowed entry.....being open means that everything is welcome. In the same way that we cannot know hot without first knowing cold, how can we know pleasure without knowing pain?
We hold back from taking risks for fear of pain and/ or failure, whether it is jumping out of an aeroplane, asking someone out on a date or expressing our true love for someone......... but if we let down our guard, and take risks, KNOWING that we may feel pain as a result, we also open ourselves to unprecedented depths of experience, love and pleasure.
Which path would you like to go down?
#masculinity #men #manhood #malebody #intimacy #malesensuality #sensualexpression #sensuality #man #malebodypositivity #fatherhood #love #masculine #toxicmasculinity #dad #intimaterelationships #authenticity #grounded #malepresence #positiverolemodel #positivemasculinity #mission #purpose #newman #faceyourfears #presence #adversity #genderstereotypes #divinefeminine