"The old guy who built me crapped in here 9,745 times and he's dead now and I don't want anyone else to touch me. Leave me alone. I'm a monument now to a good ass gone under. There's no mystery here. That's why the door's open. If you have to crap, go in the bushes like a deer." "Fuck you," I said to the outhouse. "All I want is a ride down the river."