The pic on the left was from 2009 & my first road trip to Chicago with my besties. This was when I wore #hijab
the first time. I was trying to hide my #fivehead
(something I used to be really #insecure
about) and this was before I went to cosmetology school/new anything about eyebrows.
The pic on the right is from the end of 2018 at lunch with the oldest of #threekids
Since that first picture I took my hijab off & put it back on. I moved to DC & came back to #kansascity
. I found out I had stage 0 #coloncancer
& had surgery to remove nearly all of my colon. I struggled with a slew of #mentalhealth
issues after my surgery. Including major anxiety about a potential “side effect” of the surgery that would greatly decrease my chances of every having children. How could I ever get married if I couldn’t have kids? What was I even worth if I couldn’t be a mother? Who would love me?
Guys, I strugggggled with my #iman
and in my darkest moments I thought my life might be easier if I had never been guided to #islam
But Alhamdullah, I was able to hold tight to the rope of Allah, even if with sweaty palms at times, and Alhamdullah. As #Allah
promised, with every hardship comes ease.
Since that picture I also met the love of my life & got married. I have had not just one, not just two but three successful pregnancies despite the potential fertility issues that came with my surgery. My children have anchored me in my faith & given me the feeling of belonging to the #ummah
that i really struggled to feel a part of at times before marriage (also another story on this later). I traveled to new parts of the world, became (almost) #fluent
& learned to cook. I finished cosmetology school & worked in the beauty industry. I started a modest nursing line called Hijabi Mommy then started a platform to sell it called The Souk. I dreamed, I tried & sometimes I still failed. But most importantly during all the time between these pictures I learned to love myself & accept myself #unconditionally
I belong here. I am worthy. I am smart enough. I am enough. I am not broken. I am beautiful. I am strong. I am brave. I am loved.
I am an American Muslim Mama 💕