After five years of struggling with infertility we were told this past winter that IVF was our best option. If you had asked me years ago if I would ever even consider IVF, it would have been a hard no. I never understood how people could spend so much money, with no real guarantee. I’m not a gambler and IVF seemed like the biggest, scariest gamble on ones body. So there we were, we want a baby and we are told our only option is the most scary, non-guaranteed thing out there.
I had to grieve the loss of the idea of how motherhood would come to be for me. Rather than a special creation between my husband and me, it was going to take a small army of people to make our dream happen. We embarked on this scary, uncharted territory about a month ago. I truly thought that this summer we would be making a baby.
There was lots of acupuncture, meditation, affirmations, ultrasounds, blood work, shots, shots and more shots. Every time I gave myself a shot I said a little “thank you” for helping us make a baby.
For ten days I was able to carry these two beautiful embryos. For ten days I was “PUPO”(Pregnant unless proven otherwise). For ten days I was a mother.
Yesterday I got the dreaded call… Doctor: “I wish I had good news for you.” My heart sank, the tears immediately started to flow. My body failed… again. We took the biggest gamble and have nothing to show for it except for this beautiful picture of our two.
We knew we had a 40-50% chance of our IVF working. We knew that the chances of it working go up when you do multiple cycles, but we wanted to be lucky and have success on the first round.
Today, Matthew and I continue to grieve. It comes in waves. I am allowing myself to feel all the feels and not to judge myself or put a time limit on this grief.
Throughout this whole process we have had such amazing support and outpouring of love and prayer from our family and friends. We are so thankful to have you all in our life. *Continued in comments*👇👇👇 #ttc #infertility #infertilitywarriors #ivf #ivffail #feelthefeels #ourtwo #motherofembryos #wemadethese #oneineight #inferilityawareness #infertilityjourney