I posted this photo on my personal Facebook but not on here.
I think it’s important to sometimes look back to see how far we have come. A decade of time. Captured in a screenshot.
I want to talk about something that I haven’t before. Since I’ve come out as a trans non binary person, I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting. Reflecting on my past, on who I am, on who I used to be. The truth is, I’ve spent most of my life with no real sense of who I am. I’ve spent a lifetime feeling lost, misunderstood, disconnected from myself and others, and with no clear sense of self, I’ve felt pretty alone. I always had pretty low self esteem, I lacked confidence, I was a shy and quiet kid. I’ve always felt pressured to fit in, to conform, to be something I’m not and to make others happy. I think all of those attributes in myself are what kept me stuck for so long. I’ve always longed for this deep sense of connection, and I think part of the reason I never got it was because I had no connection to myself. I didn’t know who I was.
I can’t even begin to describe how discovering the term non binary, and feeling this lightbulb moment as I realised that this is who I am, how freeing that has felt.
It’s been a strange journey to get here. And it’s definitely not over. It’s a journey I’m going to continue travelling, because learning about myself and how I fit into this crazy world is only the beginning. It’s like that feeling of being lost and disconnected from myself makes sense now. The pressure I put on myself to fit in when I never really felt like I did. There were no non binary people in the media growing up, I didn’t see myself represented in others stories, in movies or on TV.
I didn’t know that there was more than just boy and girl. That I didn’t need to exist in this box I was placed in. That there was infinity outside of it and that I could exist there. So yes. I’m not a girl. And I’m not a boy either. I am just me. Existing here right now, as I am. Neither. Both. Something else entirely. And that space outside those boxes, I know that’s exactly where I’m supposed to be.
A bitch turn #25
a couple times and don’t know how to act 😏
I feel so blessed and overwhelmed with gratitude. To have beat almost every odd to defy every idea of normality yet be able to obtain it is a feeling I can’t describe. I remember dreaming of this ... to be HER. I feel like every #1111
wish was worth it as a child, it happened! No matter how tough the journey may get because it’s not just glitz and glam. It’s dedication , it’s losing people , relearning yourself, loneliness, anxiety , it’s meditation , it’s focus , and it’s drive. However no matter how tough I push harder , and challenge myself because I’m so grateful to have this dream I live.
Happy birthday Autumn Carter 💕
#birthdaygirl #girlslikeus #25again #dcnightlife #garconways #girl #scorpioseason #scorpio #likeit #followme #blackgirlmagic #prettygirls #wewontbeerased
Gender dysphoria on mental health, how it affected me growing up.
As a child I felt that the world was unjust, unfair to me and against me. I started being so angry at the world at my situation and grew so much anger inside me. I hated the world for putting me in a girls body. I blamed God (I was raised catholic) for giving me a girls life, a girls body. (Yes, because girls lives and boys lives are different. Even if we claim equality we are not there at all. And lives shouldn’t be gendered, shouldn’t be binary, shouldn’t be dictated by gender, nor should the way people treat you. We should dictate and live our lives how it feels good to us not because we have to follow some pre-decided norms of living).
I was frustrated. I hated myself for having the wrong body, one that didn’t match my soul, I couldn’t look at my body for not physically being who I was. Some unconscious part of my child mind blamed my mum for having created me female. I was so jealous of all the boys my age and at puberty I would always watch other boys topless, playing, being teenagers and a heavy weight would push me down, my negative thoughts, my distress my jealousy would make me so bitter with the world, with myself. This is the rawness and danger of gender dysphoria when is felt and not expressed, when a child is not allowed to be themselves without judgement and when anger crawls in, doesn’t leave and only grows. #transboy #topsurgeryftm #transformationtuesday #transisbeautiful #lgbtq
🌈 #transgender #trans #ftm #transboy #transguy #vitamint #mentalhealth #genderdysphoria #wewontbeerased #aboylikeme #gnc #genderqueer
I am a shattered human
But I am not broken
I am an unknown victim
For I am a boy for yet something different
For I go by he but they is no different
For you want to judge
But don't know what your missing
So say what you want
For I know longer listen
So I'll keep my head held high
Because this Is my mission
And I won't stop
Until I am finished