“It took me a while to learn the true meaning of patience and surrender, but I have finally accepted that healing doesn't happen on our schedule. It doesn't have a clock or a calendar.”
Today’s a day of surrender, when I bow my head, accept what is, let go of what my expectations of tomorrow were yesterday, and look to something outside of myself for grace. •
I let go of the notion of control- control over my body, feelings towards my body, all the things I need to do today, and the actions of others (which I never had to begin with). Pain is hitting me from so many angles today, it’s unbearable. So I surrender. It can feel overwhelming and scary to have no control over my body, to feel as though my skeleton’s disassembling itself and my skin’s on fire, but rather than fight it, I surrender, knowing it’ll pass.
Surrender doesn’t mean giving up, it means acceptance and is a sign of strength. Ironically, by letting go, I AM taking control. I’m taking control of my reaction, which is the only thing in life we truly have control over. I’m calm, turning towards faith, and continue to breathe. I’ll listen to my body, do my best today, not get angry over what I can’t control, and continue to focus my thoughts on healing...recognizing there’s been a great deal of healing over the past three years- not on my timeline, but healing none-the-less. I won’t focus on what’s been taken from me, but rather, what’s been granted to me as a result of these ridiculous diseases. That’s what surrender means. There’s grace in surrender. Relief in surrender. Peace in surrender. Those are all beautiful things- these are the gifts of tragedy; gifts I didn’t truly understand until I’d been utterly stripped down.
The lyrics from one of my favorite songs really resonate beautifully today:
“Once I wanted to be the greatest
No wind or waterfall could stall me
And then came the rush of the flood
Stars at night turned deep to dust
Melt me down”
Seated Wide-Leg Staddle Variation 🧘🏻♀️ Upavistha Konasana
Surrender is my reason to smile today!