WHY WE DON’T FUCK WITH AIDAN | Since the inception of this account, our followers have commented, cajoled, and outright trolled us for our outspoken dislike of Aidan. So please allow us to explain why this Manic Pixie Artisan Boy is awful. And surprisingly, it has nothing to do with granola, turquoise jewelry, or casual leather pants-wearing. #AidanShaw #RedFlags #ManicPixieArtisanBoy
1️⃣ The Smoking Thing: We can understand why Aidan wouldn’t want Carrie smoking around his expensive furniture, but we think it’s fucked up that his love for her is contingent on her ability to conform to his lifestyle. Yes, he is allowed to have personal boundaries. But his ultimatum was ultimately passive-aggressive and petty.
2️⃣ The Cheating Thing: Getting cheated on sucks, we get it. However, if you are going to take your partner back you have to forgive them and move on. When Aidan inferred that he might fuck a bartender from Scout as form of retaliation for Mr. Big calling, we lost all respect for him. It was emotionally abusive behavior, towards Carrie AND the bartender Shayna. Feigning availability to someone while actively withholding from your current partner is a classic dick move.
3️⃣ The Abortion Thing: We agree with Carrie’s assertion that Aidan seemed relieved when she lied and told him she never had an abortion. This isn’t a pro-choice or pro-life thing, it’s more about a man’s need to put their own narrative of their partner ON their partner in order to feel secure thing. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
4️⃣ The Marriage Thing: Carrie was very clear when she communicated to Aidan that she was deeply anxious and overwhelmed with the prospect of getting married. After initially agreeing to push pause on their nuptials, he swiftly ambushed her with the suggestion of a shotgun wedding. He wanted be married so much that it didn’t seem to matter if Carrie wanted to or not.
Carrie’s jazz age ensemble always pulls the focus in this scene. But let’s not disregard the fact that Samantha’s outfit strongly evokes the signature color scheme of Dunkin’ Donuts. It’s a highly unusual combo and we’re not sure that it makes sense anywhere beyond a 32-ounce cup of iced coffee. But true to form, our favorite cock-hungry PR queen still looks flawless. And while America may run on Dunkin’, Samantha runs on cosmos, blowjobs, and brightly-colored separates. (S5/EP7) #SamanthaJones #CarrieBradshaw #VivienneWestwood #Flapper #Dunkin
We’re processing some difficult emotions, the only way we know how...
💫A GUEST STAR IS BORN💫 He’s soon to be nominated for a shitload of awards, but to us, Bradley Cooper will always be Jake, that random guy Carrie almost fucks in the wake of her infamous New York magazine cover. Please enjoy this Star is Born/SATC crossover content content that absolutely no one asked for. (Sound on) 🎶AhhhhhhhAHHHHahhhha!🎶 (S2/EP4) #BradleyCooper #CarrieBradshaw #SingleAndFabulous #CrucialGuestStar
*READS JUDITH BUTLER ONCE* When people say that Charlotte is a prude, we swiftly remind them that she once fucked a guy while dressed in drag. It was transgressive af, we’re here for this unexpected Men’s Wearhouse makeover. Char’s well-endowed alter ego certainly looks hot in a suit. But we’ve always been mildly sussed out by the straight male stand-in for #CatherineOpie
who facilitates her gender transformation. A casual fling with Drag Queen Samantha would have been much hotter, tbh. (S3/EP4) #MascCharlotte #CharlotteYork #DragKing #Androgyny #JudithButler #MensWearhouse
𝒯𝓇𝑒𝓎 𝒮𝓁𝒶𝓈𝒽 𝐵𝒾𝑔 | So according to our recent Instagram poll, 57% of you guys want to read erotic fanfic about Trey and Mr. Big. Today, we are giving the people what they want. And to the other 43% of you—we are really fucking sorry.
I’ll never forget the first time that I saw him, casually leaning his elbow against the mahogany bar at the Carlyle. I knew him from the social pages, of course, but the reality of him was even more potent. I complimented him on his suit, which was Armani—naturally. With one swift motion he unbuttoned his jacket to reveal the impeccable charmeuse lining with the initials “JJP” stitched in red thread. Without thinking, I grazed my finger against the embroidery. His eyes locked with mine for a brief moment that felt like a lifetime. “Can you be discreet?” he asked in a half-whisper. I said “alrighty,” and before I knew it we were tearing each others’ clothes off in the back of his town car. I hadn’t been with a guy since my freshman year at Yale, let alone a grown man. I didn’t know what I was doing, but I knew that I wanted him. And the wanting took over.
We didn’t see each other again until years later, when my wife introduced us at a party. We pretended like we didn’t know each other, like the night in the car had never happened. Like I had never felt his hands all over me or tasted the scotch on his breath. As I exited the party, he smiled at me through a sea of people and raised his glass. And it was then that I knew that somewhere inside of me, deep down, underneath everything, a small part of me would always be his. #TreyMacDougal #JohnJamesPreston #Fanfic #LGBTQ #GayErotica #Sorry
MINIMALIST HUMILIATION CHIC | When gamely approaching the man that you’ve been flashing for weeks, it’s important to look casual—but not too casual. Thankfully, Miranda’s maxi dress possesses the sort of understated sex appeal that says, “Let’s see where this goes.” Lightweight fabrics are ideal for such encounters, because when you discover that your crush is actually cruising the man who lives below you, you’ll need to make a breezy exit. [S2/EP13] #MirandaHobbes #Minimalism #MaxiDress #Casual
THE BRIDE WORE…..UGGS👰🏼 As we all know, Samantha did not get married in the second Sex and the City movie. But @kimcattrall
was dressed as a bride and paraded in front of the paparazzi in an effort to keep the plot of the forthcoming film under wraps. We always imagined Samantha getting married in a chic white pantsuit à la Bianca Jagger. But this classic lace gown paired with Kim’s signature Ugg boots majorly exceeded our expectations. FLAWLESS. #SamanthaJones #SATCmovie #Bridal #BTS #Uggs
🔦 Every Outfit Investigates🔦 I’M LOVIN’ THIS PRODUCT PLACEMENT 🍟 After watching this show for the billionth time, we came to the sudden realization that McDonald’s probably paid for their numerous appearances on Sex and the City. And honestly, we’re not even mad. The fact that the writers managed to slip in so many unnecessary Big Mac references without anyone noticing is beyond brilliant. Because in what fucking universe would these bougie women wait in line for 99 cent apple pies? So @McDonalds
, we just want to put it out there that we too are completely open to any and all SponCon opportunities. We would love to write witty, cross-branded captions such as, “I couldn’t help but wonder if the McRib is back?” Just IMAGINE the possibilities. Please slide into our DMs @McDonalds.
We are thirsty for your McFlurries, literally and figuratively. [S2/EP12 / S4/EP9 / S6/EP12 /S5/EP5 / S6/EP14] #everyoutfitinvestigates #McDonalds #Manolos #McRib #SponCon #ImLovinIt
THE LOUBOUTIN MASSACRE🎀 The greatest tragedy of Sex and the City is not Carrie being left at the altar, or even that trip to Abu Dhabi. It’s the fact that the Universe is always fucking with her footwear. She’s lost two pairs of Manolos to thieves. She’s had two incidents involving dogs. She’s fallen face-down in public twice. And the ruffled Loubs that she bought for her special date with a certain Napa-bound sociopath ultimately ate shit in the Mount Sinai delivery ward. If we’ve learned one thing from this episode, it’s that pink chiffon and amniotic fluid DO NOT MIX 💦 (S4/EP18) #CarrieBradshaw #ChristianLouboutin #Stilettos #RuffleMoment #RIP