Behind the smile you see is hours of painstaking questions and self doubt. Yes, I am human and I am not as confident as I may seem. But if there was no graph in my emotions and depth in my personality, then I wouldn't have room to grow..
The last video in this costume (before this one) was Nagada Sang Dhol. Shot and posted on YouTube on another channel. At the time of this post that video has hit 19 million views. Fame, you may think... But dig a little deeper and read the comments and you'll see how cruel the world is. Yes, there may be some truth in the comments, but the magnitude of hate did take a toll on my self confidence. I laughed about it, brushed it off my shoulder, but once I was alone in my room, I would revisit that video and reread the comments. Why? I think I did it to fuel myself to be better, but instead, subconsciously, it fueled my insecurities..
Since then I have been to Mumbai twice, pushing myself out of my comfort zone in a country of so much talent. I have attended dance classes where I've struggled to grasp any step properly then being paralysed by fear. Constantly punishing myself for not being able to remember or execute as fast as everyone else. It's a constant battle to not compare myself to anyone else and it is easier said than done..
In all of this I have come to realise that although my growth game is strong, maybe it is slower than everyone else and what I'd like it to be. I must be okay with that.. We are all not meant to be the same or experience growth the exact same way. We must be okay with that, for ourselves..
It's ok to be slower.
It's ok to be vulnerable.
It's ok to fall prey to your own insecurities.
It's ok to be upset with yourself.
It's ok to want more for yourself..
Just remember to breathe and cut yourself some slack, because growth is inevitable after all 💪
#growth #growthgamestrong #itsokaynottobeokay #itsokay #selfdoubt #vulnerable #insecurities #dance #struggle #progress #improvement